January 31, 2007

Typos and Morons and Freaks. Oh My!

Snow and Shrinking Roads

We're getting snow here today, and while reading the forecast I came across this:

Arkansas is a dangerous place to live when it's snowing. The roads just start shriveling away to nothing.

Please Continue to Hold

Last night I couldn't connect to the Internet here at the house, so I called our service provider. After pushing around 412 numbers, I finally got to the menu where it stated, "If you are unable to connect to your broadband Internet, please push 2." So I did. Then I received this message, "For troubleshooting tips, you may go to our website at..." Really? I can just go to your website and fix my non-existent Internet connection myself? Like, ohmigod. Why didn't I like totally think of that myself? Oh, that's right. BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING INTERNET CONNECTION, AND WITHOUT IT, IT'S REALLY HARD TO GET TO YOUR WEBSITE.

I Can't Believe He Doesn't Live in Arkansas

Sam Sanfillipo owns a funeral home in Madison, WI. So what Babs? What's so great about that? You are aware that people do really die in Madison, aren't you? Well, just hang on to your knickers and I'll tell you so what. This isn't your average funeral home. No siree, Bob. This one has dead squirrels. Dead squirrels that are posed in all manner of frivolity. There is a dead squirrel saloon, a dead squirrel fair and even a dead squirrel "Topless Girlie Show".

What would possess someone to do this? Well, Sam explained that it was for the bereaving children who come to funerals and are crying. I'm sorry your Grammy died, Timmy, but lookie here - Dead squirrels riding a ferris wheel! And those over there? Those are girl squirrels and they're missing their shirts. *Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink.* "Doesn't that make you forget all about the fact that you'll never see your Grams again? I have to agree, Sam. Nothing will take a kid's mind off death quite like showing them even more death. Especially when the death consists of burlesque rodents dressed in freakish attire posing on carnival rides.

Can you imagine what it would be like for some poor child who not only just had his Grandma die, but also his beloved pet squirrel, Skippy? I'll bet he'd need therapy or something.

Take Care,
The Bablatrice - who is going to be snowed in tomorrow. Yay!


  1. That crazy old man needs to be stuffed and posed under the wheels of his own hearse.

    You know, if you read this quote,
    '"This is to show kids when they come for a funeral and they cry," said Sanfillippo...', I would think it makes more sense to stick a comma between 'funeral' and 'and', because I sure as hell know that if I was at a funeral and some asshat showed me a room full of freaky dead woodland critters, I'd be crying in fear.

    I would guess that there's a shortage of funeral homes in Madison, because the only reason I would take my loved ones to that freak show would be because there isn't another one for about 17 hours of driving in either direction.

    Good luck with your snow day! I wish I could have one, but I live about a two minute saunter from my shop.

    edqpghbp (damn hard to type!)

  2. Long ago in a land faraway, ok our back yard a few years ago, we christened all squirrels Elvis. Do you suppose Funeral director Weirdo, has an Elvis squirrel? I'm curious to want to know, but just scared enough to stay away.

  3. we christened all squirrels Elvis
    Our squirrels were "Franco" :D

  4. Dave - I know. Stuffed dead squirrels are freaky enough on their own, but at a funeral home? That goes beyond weird.

    Carla - I would bet money that dude has an Elvis squirrel.

    Diana - Franco the Squirrel...sounds like you had mobster rodents.

  5. I really have nothing to say to the dead squirrel freak show, but I have to say that as a child it would have NOT helped me to see that taxidermy nightmare. Hell, it wouldn't help me now.

  6. Kathleen - I know. I can't imagine how deranged someone would have to be to find dead animals therapeutic.