August 28, 2010
Why does he have a church that worships the orgasm? Because according to Carlos orgasm = god and should be worshiped. Why not? At least it's something tangible and orgasms have done way, way, way more for me than any god ever has. Carlos believes that orgasms shouldn't be limited to ejaculation. He thinks that, "You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking 'Wow!'"
This only makes me think of one thing. Double rainbow dude.
Just so you know that Carlos isn't a figment of my imagination, you can read the story here.
Great big Os,
August 24, 2010
But that's not really what this post is about. That was just a warm-up to show just how amazing Arkansas can be. And by "amazing" I mean "goddamn backwards".
Captain Woody and I were cruising down one of the fine highways in our fine state this weekend and we came upon this:
August 12, 2010
August 11, 2010
Pastor Donald Crosby may be just a bit of a drama queen. After being arrested for illegally protesting at a Warner Robins school, Donnie stated that "I don't scare easily. Lock me up as many times as you have to lock me up. Even kill me if you have to. I'm standing up for Jesus."
I really don't think the police are going to kill you, Donnie. Of course, you do live in Georgia, so who knows what could happen.
Donnie is upset that the school's mascot is a demon so he thought a protest was in order. The only problem with the protest was that Donnie didn't acquire a permit to protest. And even after the police asked him several times to leave the school property and go get a permit, Donnie refused. So, he was arrested. Now, Donnie wants us all to think that he was arrested for "standing up for Jesus", but that's just not true.
Yo, Donnie! You were arrested for not having a permit. You weren't arrested because you voiced your opinion about how the demon mascot is evil and probably makes the kids want to do things like listen to rock music and touch each other in their naughty spots. You aren't a martyr. You're a fuckwit. And your shirt is ugly.
And, the sign one of your protestors was holding up that read, "Home games will have to be played in hell." - Well, no fucking shit, dude. Once again, YOU LIVE IN GEORGIA!
And, your shirt is still ugly.
Big demonic kisses,
Here's the story.
August 9, 2010
It's been a long time since I've posted a church sign, but I think this one was worth the wait. I don't even have to comment on it. The sign says it all. Thank you, Church Sign Guy. I still love you more than life itself.
Great big orgasms from Jesus,
August 4, 2010
Pissed enough that he took the time to place the posters on the AFA website. Of course, he blurred out the model's naughty bits so as to not cause our eyes to burst into flames the minute we laid eyes on a pair of bare boobies.
Here's what Tim had to say about the posters, "These aren't just posters of scantily-clad women. Some of them depict groups of people, lesbians and others engaged in ***ual activities. Very little is left to the imagination."
Do you think Tim always speaks in asterisks?
I'm sure that his whole deal with putting the posters on the AFA website was explained away as research. I mean, Jesus himself probably told Tim to look at the posters of nude women and then rub his mouse around and around and around their girl parts to blur them out. He probably even had to do it several times to make sure he got it right. It's a good thing you can use the blur tool in Photoshop with just one hand, huh?
From now on, research=wank time!
What I want to know is...how did Tim find these pics anyway? Hmmmm....Here is the original story.
Big naked hugs!
August 3, 2010
Me, too. And then I have a complete conversation going on in my head between two Minnesotans. One of them is ALWAYS named Tom, and they're always getting ready to go have some beers.
Am I starting to sound a bit nuts? I am, aren't I? Welcome to my head, kids. It's a circus of crazy in here!
Speaking of nuts, let's get back to Tom. He recently told the AP that even though he's sexually attracted to men, that since he's never actually had his peepee in another man nor has he had another man's peepee in him, then he isn't gay.
He may or may not have actually used the term 'peepee'. He also may or may not actually know the meaning of the word 'gay'.
Tom is reportedly a memeber of a support group for Christians who struggle with same sex attraction. Um, to be more accurate, I really think the support group should be classified as people with same sex attractions who struggle with being a Christian. After all, one is perfectly natural and the other is contrived, at best, and requires vast stretches of the imagaination. Not to mention worshiping a man-god who wants you to eat his flesh and drink his blood.
Tom also had this to say about the gay, "I think we're all born heterosexual actually, and then stuff goes wrong,"
I think it's obvious from the phrase "stuff goes wrong" that Tom is not only a man of god, but he's also highly scientific. I'm talkin' through the roof scientific.
He also believes that anyone who engages in homosexuality is going to go to hell. Do you know what this means? It means that all of you gays and lesbians are going to have such an easy time getting laid in hell.
I'm not sure it's fair.
And, Tom? Dude. You're like totally gay.
You can check out the full story here.