Well, now that I've hopefully got that imbecilic song stuck in your head, I'll tell you the reason for such torture. There's a possibility we may get iced in. I don't think it's a very big possibility, though. I think we're too far east.
I can't tell you how many times in my life being too far east has caused me to miss out on excitement.
The bad news about receiving ice is that we could lose our power. The good news is one of our neighbors has chicken houses...Oh god, did I just say it was good news that we lived next to chicken houses? Fuck me.
Anyway, the reason that it's good news in this case is because if we do lose power, the chicken farmer calls the electric company every 10 minutes until the power is back on. He likes to say that he's going to call them every time one of his chickens die. Now, if I thought he was saying this in jest, I'd laugh along with him. But I know he's being serious when he says this and he's probably pissed off and drunk, so I'll just laugh at him instead. From a safe distance. 'Cause I'm a chicken.
Get it? I'm a chicken - he's a chicken farmer. Oh. I really crack myself up.
That Jesus Sho' Gets Around
He's done it again. This time the soul-saver has been located on the laundry room floor owned by none other than Doris Wells of Wild Peach, TX. And JC's all saucy in this appearance and not wearing anything other than a loin cloth and a beard. Yeah. It's one of those images. Doris' pastor, C.E Borsarge, had this to say about the miracle. "I see it as a sign from God. Christ is no longer on the cross, but maybe it is a reminder to open up some people’s eyes."
Well, duh! Of course he's not on the cross anymore. He's on the floor next to Doris' Maytag front-load washer with the extra large tub.
I regret to inform you that there wasn't a photo with this story. I am consumed with disappointment.
BIG FUCKING EDIT: I found a picture! Carla, your soul has been saved. Amen.
That's Jesus in a loincloth? That's what the article is about? Can anyone see Jesus in this picture? Wait a minute...I see something. Oh, nope. That's a bear. I can also make out something that vaguely resembles the Elephant Man, but no JC.
Sometimes I wish I were more delusional so I could have Jesus show up in random places in my house.
The Bablatrice - who's a chicken. A CHICKEN. Bahahahaha.