More Fun at the Office

Since I have the honor of being in the front office at work, I get to greet anyone who should walk though the door. The majority of the time it's just someone needing directions. I wonder if they realize that I'm purposely misleading them? Anyway, I also get to deal with anyone who fills out an application. And I get to ask them questions to see if we really need to call them in for an interview. Questions like: Does that thing on your neck hurt? If you could be any bacteria, which would you choose? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live inside a grape? Do you agree that Smurfette was a whore?

Oh yes, I am privy to all kinds of pertinent information, and this includes the reason they left their last job. I've compiled a list of a few of the more stellar reasons. And they are:

• B.S. Then you should feel right at home here. "More bullshit" is our motto.
• Price of copper went down. Oh, well of course. That explains everything.
• My father-in-law is the owner. That's an excellent reason. But what the hell possessed you to work for your father-in-law in the first place?
• Boss didn't want me no more. He just said he was tired of me. I done things he didn't think I could do and he got mad. Dude, you have super powers? Can you shoot lightning bolts out your ass?
• I'll explain. Oooh...so ominous. Can you write it down in code, 'cause that'd be way cool.
• Terminated? Maybe? Possibly? Who could have the answer to this conundrum?
• Stole Pay. Uh. I don't think I'd be admitting that when you're filling out an application. Wait until after we hire you and let us find out the hard way.
• Not happy in food. How can you not be happy in food? I love it when I'm in food. Especially gumdrops. There's nothing like being in a big tub of gumdrops.
• Personal issue - had to leave area. Witness protection program? You mowed down everyone at your last job and you're wanted by the FBI?
• Gas. Oh my, that's quite...um..well that had to be embarrassing for you. And, by the way, you kinda stink.
• Love box closed. Exactly what was your former job?
• Mike said no more. That Mike's a toughie, but we all know when Mike says, "no more" he means it!
• Sick reason. You fucked a muskrat on the job? You were caught flinging poop at your fellow employees? You asked your co-workers to lick your hand because you could smell it and make an educated guess as to what they had for lunch?
• Went through a lawsuit with the company. You sound like the ideal employee.
• Treated me like dishwasher. They threw me sauce dip. Aarrgh. Them lily-livered landlubbers are always throwin' me sauce dip. I be makin' 'em walk the plank fer it and they can throw all the sauce dip they be wantin' to down in Davy Jones' Locker.
• I think I was laid off. I think you're not hired.
• Moved to NW Arkansas as planned. Roger that. Proceed to Phase II of Project Purple Goose. The purple goose says swim like a polliwog. I repeat. Swim like a polliwog. Over and out. (What the hell is wrong with me?)
• No reason. Good enough for me. Welcome aboard!
  

Take Care,

The Bablatrice - she's the cheesiest.