I Would Walk 500 Miles

New at Flumadiddle

I've started receiving spam at work. Not the oh so delectable, gourmet, melts in your mouth, faux meat Spam that tastes like turds, but the oh so delectable unsolicited email spam that tastes like turds. This spam comes with random sentences put together in a paragraph. I think these non-sensical paragraphs are the spammers' way of bypassing filters. (Spam is maps backwards, by the way.) I find these ramblings fascinating. There's just something about them that draws me in. It's as though they hold the elusive truths of the universe and if you just look deep enough you'll know the answers to every question that's ever been asked. You will be one with everything. You will be the universe. I feel it is my duty to share the power of spam with you. It will be like a meditation or a mantra that opens doors to worlds unimagined by our limited, pre-spam minds. We'll start with our first one. Are you ready? Are you sure? Okay. Here we go.

Zen in the Art of Spamming (My profuse apologies to Ray Bradbury for this title)

"You got a hose, but the car you pick for the free donation has got a locking gas-cap."

Whoa. That is so way totally deep. It's telling us that as we walk through life, sometimes we're going to get royally fucked, so whenever we get free stuff we should lock it up.

Fun at the Office

We had a guy come in today to fill out an application. He approached my desk: "Are y'uns doin' any hirin'?" And it took him roughly 4 minutes to get that out.

I had to refrain from replying, "Well, bless your sweet, grit-eatin' heart. We sher 'nuff is hirin'. You just sit down over yonder a spell and fill out this here application and we'll see iffen we can't work us up a job fer ya. While yer doin' that, I'll just fix you up a mess of butter beans and cornbread and fatten you up a mite. You sher is skinny. You need some meat on them bones, 'cause you'd blow plumb clean away iffen a good wind were to hit yer backside. Do you take lemon in yer sweet tea, darlin'?"

Sometimes I scare myself when I channel my Aunt Jin who really wasn't my aunt, but was instead my father's first wife's mother's sister. Which made her zip to me. But that's exactly the way she talked.

Church Sign O' the Week

"Exercise daily - Walk with the Lord."

Church sign guy has a resolution for 2007. He's going to start walking with Jesus. That's right. Church sign guy and Jesus are going to be a walking team, and they've invited us to join them! Do you think Jesus walks in his tunic-robe-dress thingy or does he opt for something totally stylin' like this?

On a side note, what do you think Richard was thinking the exact moment this shot was taken? I'm thinking it has something to do with Mr. Bojangles and the boys damn near flopping out of his little, striped granny-panty shorts.

Anyway, back to exercising with Jesus. Hey! I just realized that you can exercise AND exorcise with Jesus. He's multi-purpose. I will agree to be on the Jesus walking team as long as J Dawg promises not to lug a cross around. Not only would it be embarrassing, but the whole martyr act is wearing thin, JC. Seriously dude. Time for papa to get a brand new bag.

Take Care,
The Bablatrice - who would walk 500 more.