November 22, 2010

Thou Shalt Not Use Facebook

After reading an article about Pastor Cedric Miller's view on Facebook, I'm demanding that Facebook change it's name to "Fornicationbook".  Yes, it's a tad wordier, but hella more appropriate.  You see, kids, Cedric believes that seemingly innocent re-connecting with old friends and flames on Facebook leads to adultery and and all manner of debauchery.  I have to agree with him.  Facebook is a den of iniquity that is teeming with the allure of high school exes and hookups that never happened.  And it makes my naughty parts tingle every single fucking time I sign on. 

I guess I just have a lot of fortitude, because god in heaven knows how tempting it is to want to hook up with the ex-boyfriend who gave me slobbery kisses in the backseat of a '73 Plymouth Duster while clumsily trying to cop a feel of my boobs.  And the fact that we haven't seen each other in over 20 years and probably don't have a goddamn thing in common makes an affair even MORE alluring.  Sweet merciful lord save me!

But enough about me. 

Let's get back to Pastor Cedric.  Not only did Cedric claim that Facebook was a "portal to infidelity", he even demanded that his church leaders delete their Facebook accounts or resign from their positions. 

Speaking of positions, I wonder which one Cedric was in when he and his wife had a three-way affair with a church member a few years ago. 

A male church member.

Yes Sirree Bob!  After delivering his Facebook sermon, it was revealed that ol' Ced was getting his kink on in a little holy trinity of his own. 

Well, A-fucking-men and pass the anal lube!

You can read about Cedric here  and here

Big wet sloppy kisses and boob grabs,

November 19, 2010

Hug Me

Have you recently had a pet that crossed Rainbow Bridge and is now in that big pet park in the sky?  Do you wish you could still wrap your arms around your pet and give him or her a great big hug?  Well, wish no more.  In just five easy steps, you can have your arms wrapped around Fifi Fluffydoodle lickityfuckinsplit!   

1.  Have your pet cremated.  This may require some digging and a really big bonfire if you already went with a conventional burial. 

2.  Go over to and order one of their pet pillows with the special ash pouch. 

3.  Tuck the plastic bag of pet ashes into the pouch. 

4.  Put the special ash pouch inside your pillow. 

5.  Hug the life out of your pet!  Well, I guess that's not possible, but you can hug really, super duper hard. 

One of the many, many totally groovy things about the pet pillow is that it will accommodate a wide variety of pets: rats, birds, ferrets, rabbits, reptiles, dogs, cats, weasels, skunks, armadillos, lemurs - anything up to 150 pounds.  That's 150 lbs before cremation, so your pet Sasquatch's ashes won't fit.  Your pet pillow also comes in three neutral colors that are sure to match your decor, as long as you decor is creepy enough to include a pillow with your pet's ashes stuffed inside it. 

But the best part about the pet pillow? You can get one for as low as $110.  That's right!  Only 110 measely stinkin' American dollars. I know at first that may seem like a lot of money for a throw pillow, but it has a special ash pouch!  A pouch that holds pet ashes!  Of course, you could just buy the pouch for 10 bucks and shove it in a throw pillow you already have, but I don't think it would be as magical or huggable. 

What are you waiting for?  Go order your pet pillow now!

Great big non-ashy hugs,

Disclaimer:  Neither Flumaiddle, Inc., its affiliates, associates or asshats have an affiliation with Soft-Hearted Products, nor does Flumadiddle, Inc., its affiliates, associates or asshats even have a soft heart.

November 2, 2010


I haven't posted anything here since October 13th. What the hell is wrong with me? I mean besides all that. I hereby solemnly vow that I will try my damnedest to be a little more frequent with my blogging.

For today's post I thought we were due another installment of Desperately Seeking. We haven't had one in a long time, so I'll explain. The stat counter I use for my blog keeps track of all the searches people have conducted that have landed them here at Flumadiddle. Then I share the better ones with you, and by "better", I mean "more demented". we go! The queries are in bold, my answers are not so bold.

Who made fruitie balls? – The same company that makes Savorie Sacs.
Penis inside vagina, she said huck me - oh huck me! Huck me harder!
Bipolar express is that a joke? Yes. As well as bipolar cap and bipolar bear.
How to wear pink pumps – Grasp a pump firmly in one hand. Slide it onto a foot. Preferably yours. Repeat on other foot. Tada!
Virginity sho – Is this a fill in the blank? I’ll play along. Virginity sho’ was a long time ago.
Flaming seal – C’mon. Clubbing them is bad enough, but setting them on fire is just too much. Unless you mean, flaming, as in gay flaming. Well, in that case, flame on you fabulous seal!
Liver cleanse nibiruan council oil coke- I don't even have an answer for this one. Seriously. What the fuck were you on when you Googled this shit?
Flumadiddle recipe – It’s 3 parts flum to 7 parts diddle. Whisk until frothy. Enjoy!
Nun fuck blogspot - This one actually makes a lot of sense.
I sincerely hope everyone is doing well and that your life is going exactly the way you want it to.

So much love it will choke you,