Our favorite gay evangelist, Ted Haggard, has completed a rigorous three-week de-homofication regime in which he learned that the only reason he engaged in a little man action was because he was "acting out". This intensive procedure also left him completely heterosexual. Well, praise Jesus and pass the love lube! He's been de-gayed! I'll bet Teddy wishes Jesus would have "cured" him before his man hooker ratted him out. Anyway, Ted and his wife are leaving Colorado and thinking of a move to Iowa or Missouri and both are planning on attending school for psychology. Well, Haggardites, I have a super idea. Why don't you guys move here? I'm like so totally serious. Fayetteville is home to the University of Arkansas and they have an excellent psych program. You could hang out with me and I could show you around town. Teddy, I'd even take you to a gay bar or two, and then you'd find out that not all of you is heterosexual. We could round you up a big, strong man who would punish you for being such a bad boy and "acting out". Think about it, and let me know, okay?
Letters of Love
I found this t-shirt today while perusing the net. Here is what I think JC's reply to his dad should be.
Very funny. Har dee har har. Why didn't you just finish your cute little saying? "I need you to build a bridge and just get over it." Because I know that's exactly what you were thinking. Look. I can't help it that I'm not exactly stoked about getting crucified. I've seen crucifixions and they look really unpleasant. And you know how you promised that this whole "fully man, fully god" thing would get me the chicks? Well, guess what? It's not working. Ya think maybe it's because I'm forced to hang around 12 dudes who smell like fish all the time? By the way, the ladies do not think the miracles are "totally righteous", either. They think I'm some kind of savant. And to top it off, everyone's found out that I was born in a stable and now I'm stuck with the illustrious nickname of "Barn Boy". I hope you're enjoying your little joke.
When I get back, I am so not talking to you.
Your Begrudgingly Dutiful Son,
I've added the Atheist Blogroll to my sidebar, so be sure and check out what all the sinners have to say.
The Bablatrice - who is an atheist for those of you who didn't know.