February 13, 2007

The Cult of Randy

Most of the time when I post about the fundies, I’m poking fun at them. Kind of a “haha, aren’t they adorable with their crazy outlook on life”. But, the guy that runs Teens-4-Christ really puts the “mental” in fundamental. Sure a lot of what he says is pretty damn funny, but it's funny in a really scary way.

His name is Randy Ross and I think the following quotes by him taken from his site will tell you all you need to know about him. I just think it’s extremely sad that he’s spewing his dreck to teenagers who are vulnerable enough to believe everything he says.

By the way, I’ve left in all of his misspellings and typos, because they like totally help his argument.

Randy on Science

  • All life with blood in it has a 9% saline (salt) content. This is the same concentration of salt as is in sea water.
  • Basically, the theory is that some 15-30 billion years ago, there was nothing. Then, all of a sudden, BANG. All that is exploded into existance from nothing.

Wow! Your grasp of science amazes me. I think I see a Nobel Prize in your future. At least that's what my Magic 8-Ball told me.

Randy on a Power Trip

  • Typically, it seems as though I get the final word. Well, I write the checks for this site. Get over it.
  • Participation on this forum (posting) is a privilege and may be revoked at any time. Your account may be suspended or deleted at any time for any reason or for no reason at all.
  • Teens-4-Christ is not a 'debate' site. You will not change our minds, do not try. A quick read of Romans 1 will show that those who debate are in the company of adulterers, sodomites and murderers. Therefore, debating will not be allowed.
Uh oh. I think someone's a little scared the kids might find out that there are a few flaws in Randy Land.

Randy on Stalking

  • For the record, I will not discuss the ways I use to track internet usage history. But, yes, I can see a list of every site you visit, even if you delete your history, cookies and temporary internet files.
For the record, you're lying to these kids. You're not tracking diddly on their computers. Now grow up and quit trying to scare them. Besides, this makes you sound like a stalker and it's creepy. If you have somehow managed to hack into their computers, it's illegal and you should have charges brought against you.

Randy on Homosexuality

  • We do not discrimate. But we should not elevate or promote SIN in the schools which are paid for by the citizens of our CHRISTIAN country. I do not want to send money to the state-run schools to purchase "Sally has two mommies". I do not want my tax-money paying the electric bill while sodomite high schoolers meet. Sadly, though, this is where part of my tax-money goes AGAINST MY WILL.

Discrimate? That sounds really dirty. If you're that upset about it, just quit paying your taxes. And I think you might have a control issue or two.

Randy on Talking to Teens

  • It was also abundantly clear that some of you have no common sense.
  • Until you realize the Bible is the very Word of God, we have no common ground and nothing to talk about
  • Let's do this again. This time, r-e-a-d i-t s-l-o-w-l-y. Maybe some of you will get it.
Ya know, I've noticed that when you're talking to teenagers, if you can be a complete condescending smartass, they'll totally listen to you.

Randy on Woman

  • Throughout the Bible, from the Garden forward, you see that the ladies are always under the authority of their father first, then their husband.
  • Throughout the Bible, you will see that men are always the leaders.
  • Personally, I believe that Adam and Eve were created equal. However, as a result of sin, the woman was made to follow the man.

You forgot to mention that girls also have cooties. And we're not nearly as smart as men. And we couldn't accomplish anything without a man telling us what to do. And we dress funny.

Randy on Feminism

  • Well, the feminist movement has done more to harm the family and the role of the Woman in society than anything else in history

You're right. Women had it much better when it was still legal for their husband's to beat them. And back when we couldn't vote, and weren't allowed to speak out about anything? That was like totally awesome. I think it would have been swell to live back in those days when everything was not only nifty, but also peachy-keen. Boy howdy! Can I please go bake you a cake now? I promise I'll put sprinkles on it, just the way you like it.

Randy on Racism

  • I thought the red dot was for the husband on the wedding night - so he could scratch it off and see what he won. Ok - yes, that was a very bad joke.
  • I am sick to death of hearing that the Civil War was about slavery.
Way to teach the teens how to be a bigot, you big bigot. Big big bigot. That's fun to say.

Randy on Medicine

  • I believe the majority of people who are in mental instutions are under some kind of demonic opressions.
I've found that insulting the mentally ill by telling them their sickness is caused by demons is a great way to lead them to your religion. Seriously, dude. It's the 21st century. We let go of the mental illness = demons thing a long time ago. Try and keep up.

Randy on Naughty Words

  • If you are saying something has a foul odor about it, then there is nothing wrong with saying it stinks (duh) but if you are expressing your frusration, then it is one of those Christian swear words. For example, if you stub your toe, and you exclaim, "Oh stink!" The phrase becomes an expression of your pain and frustration. In that case, it is a sin.
Hold the phone. You're seriously teaching these kids that if they say "oh stink" it's a sin? I'll bet that means "fuck" is a no-no, too, doesn't it?

Randy Hearts Bush

  • That option wasn't there because God ordained him. Personally, I think he [Bush] is the greatest president since Regan, and second only to Regan.
  • Intelluctally, he [Bush] is brilliant. He shows no favoritism
I dig how you misspelled intellectually, and it's R-e-a-g-a-n. Reagan and Bush are the two greatest presidents? Now that's funny. And sad. Very sad.

Randy on Rape

  • Rapist are attracted to those who are immodest.
  • The rapist certainly is responsible for his actions. However, if the girl involved has dressed immodestly, she shares that responsibility.
  • If a woman is raped, it is never completely her fault. Everyone chooses to sin or not to sin. However, when a rape trial goes to court, the person who was raped is always asked one key question: "What were you wearing?" Have you noticed how, when a young girl is kidnaped, they are often immodestly dressed? Remember Jon-Benet Ramsey? What happened to her was not her fault, but her parents had her dressed up like a little harlot. If you go out and advertise your goods, what do you expect to happen?

How dare you tell these kids that if a girl dresses a certain way she's encouraging a rapist. What happens when one of the girls who reads your site gets raped? Do you know what kind of psychological damage that would cause? Do you even care? No. You don't. I hope you're never allowed to be on the jury for a rape trial. Anyone who would blame a woman for getting raped has to be "under some kind of demonic opressions", dontcha think?

And as much as Randy detests any debating on his website, he sure doesn't mind doing it when he feels he's been wronged. You can go here to read his argument with one of the moderators on Wikipedia. (He's imasaved1) I wonder if he realizes that he's on par with an adulterating, sodomizing murderer.

You can also go here to learn more about this upstanding teen-leader. You could even email him and tell him what a great job he's doing.

Take Care,
The Bablatrice - who has to go vomit now.


  1. Just read Romans 1. There is nothing there about debate. I think Randy has one of those custom bibles where the word "Idolatry" is replaced by "Discussion".

  2. I'm sorry but I can't believe for a second that a human being can be that unintentionally stupid. Either it's a gag or scientists need to stop shitting us and identify whatever species/class/filum division separates that creature and his ilk from homosapiens.

    Cause this is just too fucked up to be real.

  3. I have a headache from reading Randy's crap (Hey, I think I just sinned by saying "crap." Cool!).

    The Reagan/Bush thing has me crying because I know he's not the only one who thinks that. Beyond sad.

    My word verification was too good not to share: teshblo

  4. That guy needs to be shot. That's all, just drag the asshat out back and shoot him.
    What a total fuckwad.
    He's the load his mother should have swallowed.
    Kathleen: teshblo..hehe...ya. Now THAT'S intelligence for your life!

    and on second try...

  5. This is truly sickening and it's sad that these kids listen to him.

    I like what Dave said, "He's the load his mother should have swallowed." Good one Dave!

    My first word verification: nejezb, then ubdnosa (that sounds like a disease)

  6. Guerreiro - Yep. Randy has a bible that changes to whatever he wants. Randy's word is the law, dammit!

    Fwig - Oh that it were just a gag. Sadly, this guy's for real. I just think it's sick that he's trying to make little "Randy clones" out of the teenagers.

    Kathleen - I'm sorry, but you said "crap" twice. I'm sure that lands you in hell. Teshblo = perfect!

    Dave - We wish. It really does kill me that he's doing this to kids. Somehow, I don't think he came from a woman that swallowed.

    Diana - Yep. I wonder if the parents of these teens know what his website is really like. Or if they just think that since it's Xian, it must be okay. It's pure poison.

  7. To the first person who commented... it's there, in verse 29.

    29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers....

    You gotta look carefully and use a King James version, anything anything is heresy. Bro. Randy says it so it must be true.

    However, I bet 'debate' didn't mean the same as it does now. Over time, words change, which is why, if you really want to read a bible, it's effing stupid to read the KJV, because people don't talk like that any more. To demonstate. this is the verse in the New International version.

    29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips....

    See? No debate.

  8. Anonymous5:48 AM

    I love the way the hard core conservative Christians love to harp on about how great Reagan was, while completely ignoring Reagan's strong belief in astrology. Astrology is naughty, don'tcha know. A sin, even!



  9. Anonymous6:39 AM

    Lucan here again. I just sent our good mate Randy the following email. Cheers for the link. :)

    Dear Brother Randy

    I just wanted to say thank you. I've been having something of a crisis of faith recently, and have been flicking through many websites (yours included) and reading a lot of books, and checking everything out. But it was your site (and one or two similar ones) that finally convinced me that Christopher Hitchens and Professor Richard Dawkins have it right - all religion is nothing more than some nasty little control freak indoctrinating children. You're not the only one, not at all. That ghastly woman from "Jesus Camp" is another fine example, but it was your words that made me think, no God capable of creating such an awesomely beautiful universe could possibly those who follow him to be so loathesomely bigoted, so narrow minded, so wilfully stupid and ignorant...

    Yes indeed, it is largely thanks to you that I can now say with absolute conviction that I am 100% proudly atheist! And now I shall sleep soundly once more!

    Cheers, mate! :)

    D*** B******** from Wellington, New Zealand.

    PS, you said somewhere that you thought Bush was the greatest President the US has had since Reagan. You were aware that Reagan was a firm believer in astrology, right? Isn't that sort of thing frowned upon in the Bible?