I have been blessed with a new job duty at work. I'm so overjoyed, I can barely contain myself. My boss has decided that once a month, I am to go buy donuts and deliver them to one of our clients. That's right! I get to be a donut girl. I've wanted to be a donut girl my whole entire life! I can't believe the day has finally arrived. All my hard work has paid off. But, I need a little help. Should I just go with a sign like this:
(Please note, I have never really worn a donut outfit. I just put my face on some chick. That so didn't sound like I meant it to.)
That Jesus Sho' Gets Around
He's done it again. This time, the Big J is trying to get better cell reception. Yessiree, Bob. JC has been spotted atop a cell phone tower in Uganda, and followers are flocking to see him.
One resident even said that he could see Jesus way up there standing between two people. Jesus was putting on a white cloth and had black hair.
I want to know who the other two people were who were hanging out with the J-Man. And if Jesus was putting a cloth on, does that mean he had been naked on top of the tower?
That Jesus. You just never know what stunt he'll pull next. I can't decide whether Jesus climbed up there, or if he started to ascend and just got tired.
T-Mobile has dropped Catherine Zeta-Jones as their spokesperson, stating that they are looking for a more "man-on-the street approach to marketing". Well, T-Mobile people, I think Jesus would be the perfect choice. He's a god-man-on-the-street.
Take Care,
The Bablatrice - who gets to be a donut girl!
You should deliver the doughnuts, but only after carving Jesus's face in each one.
ReplyDeleteARGH! This new blogger thing is chapping my ass. I just tried to post a comment and got a boatload of windows saying I wasn't registered, then of course my comments were wiped out.
ReplyDeletelet's see...what did I say....
something about the donut thing sucking, and something about the dude with the bionic eyes seeing Jebus on the tower.
I'm spent!
I can see why you might not really dig donut duty since it's just a half-step away from "coffee duty." Never fear though, for there are loads of ways to get out of it, if you're really creative (and we all know you are - and we love you for it). Maybe if you show up with the donuts strategically placed as pasties, hork up a big ol' loogie on them or similarly defile them you will be relieved of donut duty fo'-evah. Granted, you'll probably be relieved of your job too, but you were probably looking for a job when you found that one.
ReplyDeleteI once made a brand new first day on the job boss VERY happy. I was the first one in the office and I was standing next to the coffee machine he asked me to make coffee and without thinking (obviously) I said, "are your arms broke?" He never liked me from that day on...go figure.
ReplyDeleteIf he's not the boss, but only thinks he is, can't you tell him to go "f" himself or tell him that if it's his great idea he should do it himself and get the grateful thanks of hungry clients?
ReplyDeleteOne of the fun things we are allowed to do at work is 'share' the washing of the dishes left in the sink. When it is my turn I just take everything out of the sink and gently set them in the trash. Ta da! The sink is clean.
ReplyDeleteTa da...! Ta da!
ReplyDeleteTo think I'd forgotten about that excellent saying! Ta da! I love it. People don't say Ta da! nearly enough. I'm starting a Ta da! campaign! Who's with me?
Long ago in my previous job I was given the mandate to start up a recycling committee in our workplace. Just as I was trying to bring everyone on board with the whole environment conscienceness thing I discovered a sign over the sink that read "DIRTY DISHES LEFT IN SINK WILL BE THROWN IN GARBAGE". Irked, I placed a sign above the garbage saying "DIRTY DISHES LEFT IN GARBAGE WILL BE THROWN IN SINK". But then the next day -- Ta da! My sign disappeared. Those fuckers.
And Jesus appeared near Chicago on the back of a tow truck just this past Saturday. I snapped two photos of the miraculous apparition:
ReplyDeleteTow Truck Jesus
Exterminator - I'll bet I could find a Jesus stamp somewhere. People would start to notice that I delivered "miraculous" donuts and I could become the patron saint of pastries or something.
ReplyDeleteDave - Exactly what I was thinking. How the hell could anyone recognize someone on top of a tower.
Sharna - I love the donuts as pasties ideas. Just because I'm sure I could work in some kind of pun between pasties and pastries.
Carla - That makes me so happy.
Kathleen - Well, he's the owner, so telling him to fuck himself is probably out of the question. But, I do believe I could play to his ego.
Gale - "Share" the washing of dishes? I don't think so. Are these people not adults?
Fwig - Ta da! Ta da! Ta da!
There. I was helping your campaign.
What's the deal with people not washing their own dishes?
Dr. X - Wow. I love the Jesus on a tow truck. Kudos to you the picture. Seriously.