February 21, 2007

Beaverpalooza!

Don't Say the V Word

When I read this article, I was hoping it was a gag. Or that maybe someone had hacked into the BBC website and posted it. But, I'm afraid it's true. The theater in Atlantic Beach, FL changed the name of The Vagina Monologues to The Hoohaa Monologues. Why, you ask, would the theater be pulling such shenanigans? It's because a woman complained and said that she was offended when her niece asked what a vagina was.

You're right, oh thou Offended Beehotch. Girls should never know the proper terminology for their pootypoos. In fact I would recommend that they don't know the correct names for any of their body parts. Ankles could be dinkums. Ears - gizmies. Elbows - floopityfloops. How dare society use medical terms for our naughty bits - the sick, sick bastards.

What if the play was named the The Quivering Mound of Love Pudding Monologues? Would that be offensive? How about The Monologues of Camp Coochie? The Kookoo Yummy Yum Monologues? The Stuffin' Muffin Speaks?

You know, if the play was, "The Huge, Hairy Cunt Monologues" I might let you get away with being offended, but vagina? Not on my watch, Missy. Not. on. my. watch.

Side note:
When my daughter was young, she referred to her nether regions as her "hoo". But, she still knew the proper terminology for it, "Mama, girls have a bagina. Boys have a peanuts."

Fuckin' close enough.


The Randy Post of the Week

Speaking of pussies, Randy Ross over at Teens-4-Christ, had this to say in a post where he is complaining that Bob Jones University isn't fundamentalist enough for him:
"They have completely discarded many standards of
modesty. In fact, they allow the women to wear pants."
Oh sweet mammy of god! Not the pants. Anything but the pants! Next thing you know they will be fornicating right there in the classrooms.

Here's a puzzler for you, Randy. Let's say two girls are climbing an open-mesh metal staircase. Girl A is wearing a King James version, god skirt. Girl B is wearing sinful, deviant, devil pants. If Creepy Carl is standing beneath the stairs, which girl will be more likely to give the little pervert a beaver shot? Hint: If you guess girl B, you're a great, big dumb dumb.

Hey! I guess that means Randy is a big ol' perv.

Take Care,
The Bablatrice - who thinks that Offended Beehotch's hoohaa probably needs a little more exposure.

9 comments:

  1. Carla7:02 PM

    i know I keep repeating myself, but these people SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME! I want no where near them.

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  2. Stuffin Muffin!! LOL!

    Wow! Hot topic. One of my other favorite blogs had a word or two about our funny little Floridian friends:

    http://orgum.blogspot.com/2007/02/hoohaa-monologues.html

    Hey wait a minute! You mean every time I've cried "Hoo Haw!" on my blog I've actually been referencing a girl's Noo-noo? Ee-gads. And here I thought I was saying something like "yippeee!" I hope I haven't been misconstrued. I'll have to find another yipeee-type word. How about... Snatcheroo!

    No. That won't do. Hey aliens! What do you suggest?

    Oh. qfnmy. Thanks anyway, aliens.

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  3. I'm with Carla on this one..."these people SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME!"

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  4. Bloody hell, WTF! You must have the patience of a saint (ha ha), because I couldn't go to dear ol' Randy's website once w/o my blood pressure skyrocketing. How do you maintain your composure? And thank you for the skirt vs pants scenario, because that's what I was thinking!

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  5. I support any school that has a rule against women wearing pants...But only if they have an addendum that requires the girls to trim the hedges.

    >: )

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  6. Carla - Yep. It really amazes me that these people are in our society.

    Fwig - How about "kumquat"?

    Diana - These people have some type of disorder. Probably several disorders. I just haven't narrowed it down, yet. I'm working on it.

    Kathleen - I guess I can go visit the sites that make me wanna puke, because that's how I was raised. Maybe not THAT legalistic. I mean, I could wear pants. But a lot of what people like Randy say is exactly what I had force-fed to me.

    Eeeeekk - I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm pretty sure the girls who have to wear skirts to school aren't allowed to let ANYTHING get near the hedge.

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  7. Breaking news: Because of a complaint by a parent, Atlantic Beach, FL has just edited the name of a classic novel found in its public school libraries. The book will henceforth be known as Moby Wee-wee.

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  8. holy shit I NEEDED this laugh this morning..big slobbery kiss to you!

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  9. Exterminator - Oh my god. That's brilliant. Moby Wee-wee. I'm so using this in conversation from now on. Something like...you're such a Moby wee-wee head. Or, Why don't you shove a Moby wee-wee up your oompha.

    Crazy - Well, thanks! I'm glad I could give you a laugh. And big ol' slobbery kisses back atcha.

    Can someone bring us a towel?

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