November 27, 2007

So, Sue Me.

Do you guys remember Sue? The one that loved all things sparkly and was able to get rid of demons via instant messaging. Well, I had to go visit Sue's website again. It's like when I flip through the channels and some horrible infomercial is on, and I watch it even thought I know it's complete dreck. And the spokesperson hawking the all-in-one, ear hair trimmer-grout remover-dentist's drill- embalming kit is always a little creepy, and I know if I ever met them I'd have an overwhelming desire to staple duct tape over their mouth.

Sue's website is exactly like that for me.

Anyway, I began reading a riveting account Sue had penned about the Maryland Satanic Clan and how she helped break up the clan and now all the members hate her and are on a woman-hunt for Sue and raisin' all kinds of a ruckus because Sue just couldn't leave their little club alone.
So, here's part of what Sue has to say about the clan:
Another lady who renounced Satan & accepted Jesus told me; "The Clan really fear your room. They say you have an Annointed song." They want to get that song from you. I dont know why."

I told her; "I know why. It puts the evil spirits to sleep and they cant jump into someone else. Then Anita & other Ministering Spirits Sent from God gets them, ties them up, and Jesus throws them in the pit."
I'll bet it's not really an Annointed song. I'll bet it's Michael Bolton, and it doesn't put the evil spirits to sleep. They just hold their breath until they pass out so they don't have to listen anymore.

I'll also bet that Anita and the other Ministering Spirits Sent from God. Wait a minute, what the hell kinda long title is that? Can't you just shorten it to God's Ministering Spirits? GoMS. That's better. So, I think that Anita and the other GoMS used to be in the rodeo and they probably hogtie the evil spirits. That way it's easier for Jesus and the pit tossing thing. As far as the pit goes, I think it's a barbecue pit that Sue has in her backyard and she, Anita and those crazy wack GoMS cook the evil spirits and eat them. Yummy. There's nothing like spit-roasted evil spirit basted with the sweat from Satan's scrotum. Just make sure you that you add 3 cups of red wine to the scrotum sweat and then reduce it to half the original volume.

You can also serve deviled eggs as a side dish and devil's food cake for dessert .

That is if you want to be all cutesy about your demon feast.

Take Care,
Babs

9 comments:

  1. Jesus Christ on a broomstick! How do you find these people? Folks who pay more attention to Satan than to Jesus have always given me the creeps. Eww, yuck, pfft!

    If God is all-powerful, and Satan is not, why are these idiots spending so much time and energy worrying about staying out of Satan's clutches and pulling others out of his talon-like grasp? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms obviously is not enough to keep them Safe and Secure from all Satan's Alarms. Perhaps something in the church air has sucked the brains right out of their skulls.

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  2. thanks for the laugh! i do believe with all my heart that stupid people are on the planet for our entertainment! and then the dummer ones believet them! and send money! how do i get a share?!

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  3. mmmmmmm....Satan Scrotum Sweat

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  4. Babs:

    You'd think if Jesus was really behind Sue, he would have taught her how to spell "anointed."

    Anyway, you're just soooo wrong about Michael Bolton singing the Annointed Song. I found a version of it on YouTube, which you can click on here. Sorry that Satan seems to have cut off the first few words. But if you listen closely, the singer repeats them later.

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  5. Chaplain - I'm not sure how I find them. It's a gift? A really strange gift?

    Rogers - You're welcome. I agree, they're definitely here for our amusement.

    Enonomi - It's salty and tangy.

    Ex - I cannot believe that you actually led me to that filthy display of excrement. I may not ever speak to you again for this one. The horror!

    By the way, I could only watch it for about 2 seconds. But, I do have to agree, what I saw in the video was definitely Satan. And it burned my retinas.

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  6. Holy pancakes! What on earth made you go back to Sue's website...need glitter?

    I love deviled eggs.

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  7. Kat- You nailed it. I was having glitter withdrawal. It wasn't pretty.

    I honestly don't know why I go to Sue's site. It's like some sickness I have.

    I love deviled eggs, too.

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  8. Babs - you don't go back to Sue's place because you're ill. You don't go back because you're addicted either. You go back because you're demon-possessed!

    BWAHAHAHAHA!

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  9. Chaplain - You're right. I am possessed by all manner of evil. I just hope Sue doesn't ever try to exorcise my demons. I just wouldn't feel the same without them.

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