November 1, 2007

Take Me to Your Leader

Zero, Zilch, Zip

That's exactly how many trick-or-treaters I got to poke in the eye last night. I didn't have one single little goblin come to my door. So, the guys at work are thoroughly enjoying the 8 pounds of candy I bought.

Speaking of Kooky

Quick! Are you a starseed, a walk-in or a lightworker? What the hell am I talking about? I don't have a pissin' clue. I just came across this website and started reading all about how there are some of us on this earth who aren't really Earthlings. Holy Ray Guns, Batman! Some of you reading this right now could be aliens and I wouldn't even know it. 1. Because I can't see you and 2. Even if I could see you, I wouldn't know if you were really were an alien, because you'd be disguised as an Earthling. You aliens are some sneaky little fuckers.

Just for clarification (and I use that term ever so lightly): a starseed has at least one parent that is an alien, a walk-in is an alien who all of a sudden takes over someone's body and a lightworker is a person who has chosen to seek spiritual knowledge. (Cue really bad 80s-synthesizer-space music).

Are you confused, yet? Me, too!

But wait, there's more! Act now and you can learn how to recode your DNA in just 4 easy steps. Four steps, Babs? Is that possible? Well, duh. Of course it is. Here are the 4 easy steps:

  1. Activate your Crown Chakra Crystals. They're located at the top of your head. Just touch your head. I think a lot.

  2. Activate your MerKaBa antenna. Well, I know where my antenna is, but you'll have to look around for your own.

  3. Activate your hypothalamus. Just cut your head open, locate your hypothalamus and flip the switch to the "on" position.

  4. Cleanse your liver. Requires more cutting, but your liver should be much easier to find than your hypothalamus. Use a scrub brush and a healthy dose of liver-cleaning soap. You should be able to find liver soap in your local grocery store on the canned soup aisle. No, I don't know why they keep it on the canned soup aisle.

Before you know it, your DNA is completely recoded. It's that easy! Who the heck knows what you'll turn out to be? You might turn into a banana or maybe a Baptist. You might even turn into some kind of marsupial. Okay, I just threw that in because I love the word marsupial.

I could go on and on about this website, but I'll leave you with this: The website is the official website of the Nibiruan Council. And all their members are connected to the planet Nibiru. And, um, well they're also serving the worlds of the Galactic Federation. And it's not a parody site. And I think I'm finished now.

Take Care,
Babs - who is from the planet Weqwoprkeislm. (The k is silent.)

6 comments:

  1. I don't mind looking for those crystals, or feeling around to see where my antenna is. I don't even care about cutting my head open to find the radio switch. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna cleanse my liver.
    I've worked very hard all my adult life to get my liver dirty. Got another beer, spacebabe?

    ReplyDelete
  2. are these people serious?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was all for it until I read the part about the possibility of becoming Baptist. You had me, and you lost me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ex - Fine, but you're gonna end up with only part of your DNA recoded. Don't blame me when something goes horribly, horribly wrong.

    Tribbles- Yes, I'm afraid they are very serious. Scary, no?

    Dave - Dammit. I knew I that Baptist part would scare people away.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sarge6:30 AM

    Something comes on the local access
    channel sometimes, I just caught it out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was just a cheesy sci-fi thing but I'm told it is a sort of quasi religious thing called Unarians or something. Very odd...and this from a guy who's been told that he'd be welcomed with a ceremony at the Oddfellows Hall.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is so absolutely brilliant...I think I'm, sadly, just an earthling...but would I know otherwise? Like if I were a walk-in. Hmm, when I worked at Burger King, walk-ins were just really big freezers...how things change.

    ReplyDelete