November 8, 2007

Jesus + Puppy = Precious Overload

It seems to be pet day around my favorite web spots. The Exterminator wrote a very poignant post about his cat. Fwig has a photo of various and sundry objects on Claudia's cat. And Claudia has pictures of her cat minus the random objects balanced on its head. And then when I went to Jesus of the Week I found a link to Pet Tribute Creations and since I don't have any pets of my own to talk about, I decided to make fun of educate you about this website instead.

Have you ever lost a pet that you loved so much that you wanted a special way to express that love? Like maybe a photograph, but oh so much more. I'm talking about a picture that is so special that you get that flutterly feeling in your belly every time you look at it. One that screams, "Hey people, I loved my pet so much that I had its picture taken with Jesus!" Yeah. That kind of special. I can't tell you how many times I've wished and hoped with all my being that I could figure out some way to get my long-lost pets to magically leap into the arms of Jesus.

Well, guess what? Now you just hop over to Pet Tribute Creations and you can have a photo of your pet lovingly Photoshopped into one of the shots from a virtual smorgasbord of Jesus pictures. And by smorgasbord, I mean four. But you can also have your pet lounging beside a cross, or being held by none other than Jesus' Mama. There's also one that I think is supposed to be an angel, but it might be a gargoyle. But I'm sure it's a virgin gargoyle, or has been baptized at the very least. Here's a sample shot that I snagged so you could see just how wicked awesome this is.

Here we have long, skinny-headed Jesus and, by jinkies, I think he has hazel eyes in this pic. What's up with that? There's also the obligatory holy halo that makes Jesus look like he's either standing directly in front of the sun or the back of his head is on fire. And Jesus is giving us a royal wave with his pierced hand. Always with the pierced hands. I've often wondered how come the Big J could pull off raising himself from the dead, but he just couldn't muster the energy to heal those darn puncture wounds. And is it just me or does Jesus have a bit of a Mona Lisa smile goin' on? Almost a come-hither look. Oh, Jesus you're such a bad, bad boy, but I think you should go a little easy on the blush. You look kinda whorish. But the eyeliner? Totally sizzlin'.

Now about the dog. The little puppy that Jesus is holding in his eternally pierced hand? The dog is fuckin' possessed. If Satan's not camped out in the very heart of that pooch, then, well, then George W. Bush is bright. What the hell has happened to cause the dog's tongue to be growing from the top of its mouth? And those eyes! Those damned, soulless eyes. Whatever you do, do not gaze directly into the eyes of this hell-hound unless you wish to experience a horribly painful death. Just don't come running to me when your entrails are scattered about all over the floor and the dog is using your spinal column as a chew toy. But I just adore how Devil Puppy has his own little light bulb spot of holy halo. Like he just had a really good idea. And that good idea was probably to eat Jesus' brain or something equally Satan-induced. Bad, dead puppy. Bad dog.

Take Care,


  1. OK, Babs, I know you're a lot smarter than I am, but how did you figure out which one was Jesus and which one was the dog? That critter on the left looks like a giant Afghan hound to me. And that so-called dog looks like one of the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz.

  2. This is so creepy, it makes me think of "Pet Sematary".

  3. Anonymous1:28 AM

    ew. thats all. just ew.

  4. I think you're right. The demon dog just got a bright idea. Here I thought that J-Ho was wearing a very dangly diamond earing and the light caught it just so.

    Want to kmuqp-stairs...?

  5. I bet he still pees on the floor, the puppy not Jesus.

  6. Ex- Me? Smarter than you? I think not. The only thing that gave it away for me was those damned pierced hands. It's rare to see a puppy with pierced paws.

    Geeky - I know. It's just not normal at all.

    Claudia - Very well put. I think ew just about covers it.

    Fwig - J-Ho <---bahahahaha. That's funny stuff. And Jesus does like dangly earrings, but he actually prefers emeralds. (It's oe of those little known fact about him.)

    Carla - Oh how you make me laugh. I've never really stopped to think about whether Jesus was house-broken or not.

  7. Just one picture? I was hoping for the entire smorgasbord. Dammit.