The Great White Pope
Pope "Emperor Palpatine" Benedict released an encyclical today talking trash about atheism.
His Most Groovy Popeness said that atheism was responsible for some of the "greatest forms of cruelty and violations of justice".
After laughing hysterically for a few minutes, the only response I could come up with to the Popeadilly's encyclical is this: Dude, you're really scary looking. Really. Scary. Ease up on the eye makeup, for chrissake. You also look as though you just slugged back a bucket of the communion wine. And, I really want to put a propeller on your little hat thingy.
There. That's better, isn't it? It makes you seem so fun-loving. Now you look as though you could be somebody's uncle. Their scary, crossdressing, drunk but fun-loving uncle.
One more thing, Pope B, whining about atheism only makes me think that atheists scare the holy poop right outta you. 'Cause you know down deep in your little pope heart, that we're right and you're not.
Just like his daddy, Oral, the capital-G god talks to Richard Roberts. God told Dick on Thanksgiving that he really needed to step down as President of Oral Roberts University. I'll bet god pretended the Thanksgiving turkey was a ventriloquists' dummy and he talked to Dick by throwing his voice out the turkey's ass.
Dick also said that his particular brand of god told him that if he stepped down as president of Oral Roberts University, his g-o-d was gonna "do something supernatural for the university".
Suhweet! I hope it's going to be some of that Old Testament supernatural stuff, because that shit rocks harder than a Yanni concert. Maybe it will rain burning sulphur, and Dick's wife will turn into a salt lick as she takes one final farewell glance at good ol' ORU. A plague of locusts would also be a nice touch. But I'll bet the students are gonna be plenty pissed if they wake up one morning and find themselves covered in huge boils and open sores.
I can't wait to see what happens!
Edited because I'm a moron sometimes, and think people's names are Robert, but they're really Richard. Which makes for a much better nickname, anyway.