November 3, 2007

My Miraculous Saturday Morning

Every Saturday morning for the past month, I've meandered down to our local farmer's market. And by meandered, I mean drove. So, this morning, armed with my white oak basket looking like much like Red going to Grandma's house (minus the cape and the annoyingly chipper attitude) I arrived at the market and began my exploration. Much to my delight, I came upon these. They're stalks from a castor bean plant, and although I've seen the plant before I never knew that the berries and seed pods were so pretty.

But the best part is that when the seed pods (the furry, Muppet-looking things) dry out, they explode! And from what I was told, they explode violently enough to make noise.

I can't wait! In fact, I let the guy keep the change just because he sold me something that has the potential for me to have exploding seed pods in my apartment.

I also filled my basket with sweet potatoes, green tomatoes and turnips. Little, baby turnips. At first glance, I thought they were just lovely, but as I was looking at the photo, I noticed something disturbing. These were not ordinary vegetables.

Oh no, mi amigos, there was something different about my basket of veggies. In my basket was something that defies all manner of explanation. Something that may melt my cold, black, heathenistic heart and cause me to turn from my sinful ways. I mean, who would have thought that this miracle would happen to me? It was, well I'll just have to show you. It was this:

Sweet Potato Baby Jesus

What do you mean, you can't see anything? You seriously can't see Baby Jesus in this potato? He's right there. On the potato. Baby Jesus. Potato. Where's your faith, people? Okay, if you can't see the Baby Jesus in this, I'll show you.

Alright, so the face looks more like a winking fox, but you have to admit the umbilical cord is pretty darn convincing.

I thought about selling Sweet Potato Baby Jesus on eBay and using the money to support my raging drug-habit, but instead I think I'll mash him up and eat him with butter. Amen!

Take Care,


  1. Before you use the butter on your sweet potato, you'd better make sure that the Blessed Mother's face is not lurking in it somewhere.

    It's OK to eat Christ -- he urges you to, in fact -- but nibbling on Mama Mary is not part of the game.

  2. LMFAO!

    Excellent! Congratulations on your baby jesus! I'm thinking 'The Winking Fox' would make a great name for a pub, don't you? Or "Jesus Umbilical Cord'? Either one would make a great name for a pub, don't you think?

    Oh by the way, I'm jealous. I haven't had any exploding seed in my apartment for a while now. But Steve-o is away on vacation and I'm hoping the I.S. comes by so there is hope!

    bzpyuhf! - gazunheit.

  3. I never see it! The Jesus Mary's and Joselphes in my fruit and veggies and towels and walls and wherever else others notice that holy damfamily.

    good god fwg I do believe I am about to hurl. All that mushy talk...

  4. royce9:32 AM

    Well the picture does look vagely fetal...but it is a stretch. Enjoy the cooked yams.

  5. I wasn't entirely convinced of your sweet potato baby jesusness until I noted the holy nipples betwixt the frowny mouth and umbilicus. That was the clincher.

    Qvthgvk aweigh, my boys, qvthgvk aweigh!

  6. Just watch out for the exploding castor bean pods, because the powder on the seeds is the poison ricin. Ingest too much and you'll be visiting JC or not!

  7. I totally saw Adult Jesus with Beard Face... ;-)

  8. Ex - I checked. Twice, even. No mama. Not anything even vaguely virgin-like. So I'm safe. Watch out Baby Jesus Sweet Potato. Here comes the butter.

    Fwig - I agree that "The Winking Fox" would make a fabulous pub name. Of course, it would equally well for a brothel. I sincerely hope that seed was exploding like manna from heaven in your apartment this weekend.

    Claudia - I'm so sorry. You'll get your Jesus sighting. Just have faith.

    Royce - A stretch? I'm shocked at such blasphemy.

    Shedevil - The holy nipples always give it away, don't they?

    Slg18 - That's so sweet that you don't want me to die. Seriously. From what I've read, I'd have to eat the seeds to get poisoned, and I really have no desire to eat castor bean seeds. Although, they are rather pretty.

    Kat - Hahaha. Okay, you have your grown-up Jesus and I'll have my Baby Jesus.

  9. And you know...the potato on the right looks like Madonna. Not "the" Madonna...just Madonna. Coincidence? I think not!