1. I got some spam the other day and it read, "Slut flashes big tits and eats a dick." And I was all like, "Yay for cannibal porn!"
2. I received an email from a client and she was writing about her koi pond, but she kept writing it as her coy pond. It will flirt with you, but in a painfully shy manner.
3. If we go through one more account manager and I end up having to take up the slack, I'm going to quit my job and fulfill my life-long dream of being a champion pogo stick jumper. It will be a flaming pogo stick. And I'll wear lots of sequins, and have Come on Get Happy by the Partridge Family playing on a circa 1985 boom box. And I will totally rock.
4. I'm beginning to hate all things wireless. This wireless Internet we have here at the apartments? Complete crap. And my wireless mouse at the office has some kind of internal issues going on. I think it may have Parkinson's disease. If anyone uses the shredder the mouse just stops and refuses to point at anything. I think it's probably because it's a great big pussy and is scared of the shredder. Or it could just be some interference, but I'm leaning towards the pussy explanation.
5. If anyone cares, Wal-Mart is going to hold a conference call for their vendors to discuss some new something or other. Isn't it amazing that even after them sending me 5 fucking emails about it, I still managed to totally ignore what the call was about?
6. I haven't driven by a good church sign in a long time. Something is wrong. Horribly wrong. I even drove out of my way last week to check out two churches that have never let me down. I think Church Sign Guy is mad at me. Probably because I refused to make out with him in the baptismal.
7. This is how my day started: I woke up late because I forgot to turn on the alarm. The first thing I did when I got to the office was put my tea in my little, baby refrigerator, but while attempting to do this simple task, a jug of orange juice, a tub of honey nut cream cheese and a container of yogurt fell out. When I bent down to retrieve my foodstuffs, I slammed my forehead into the corner of the filing cabinet. Unfortunately, it did not knock me out and I had to endure the rest of the day.
How was your Monday?