Who's ready for another church scandal? Me, too! This one involves an 80 y/o man, the Georgia Bureau of Investigations and a camel.
I'm just kidding about the camel part. But that would make for a juicy scandal, huh? Anyway, Earl Paulk (the 80 y/o) is the head hauncho at the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit at Chapel Hill Harvester Church. Well, sweet Jesus on a paper plate, could they have a longer name for their church?
The story is that back when Earl wasn't 80 years old, he had much friskiness in his most holy groin and he found his brother's wife to be very, very enticing. So enticing that Earl, being the godly man that he is, bedded his brother's wife and his sacred seed produced a strapping baby boy named D.E. Probably short for something like I dunno- Douglas EARL, or maybe Donald EARL, or even Dabney EARL.
Anywho, D.E. is now 34 years old and via a court-ordered paternity test, he just learned the wonderful news that his uncle is really his dad. He has an Uncle Daddy. Isn't that cute?
And even though D.E. said he was disappointed and surprised, lemme tell you, he has got this shit under control. Here's an absolutely brilliant gem of a statement he made about the mess, "It was a necessary evil to bring us back to a God-consciousness." Well, sure. Fucking your brother's wife is always a necessary evil. What would the family reunions be like without that going on?
And to make this story even better, Earl fucked a camel!
No. I'm still joking about the camel. But, Earl is being sued by Mona Brewer, a former church employee, who claims that Earl told her that the only way she could receive salvation was by boinking him. From 1989 to 2003. Fourteen years of boinking Earl just so she could get to heaven. Right on, Mona. We totally believe you.
There have also been other women who claim they had been coerced into sex with Earl, his brother and other men in the church's administration.
I think they should rename their church Cathedral of a Lot of Fucking at Chapel Hill and What the Hell Let's Fuck Some More.