Total Moron? You Can Bank on it!
Oh Alexander Smith, you almost leave me at a loss for words. But never fear, Alex, I can find words. Oh, how I can find the words. Here's a little note for you:
Dear Alex,That Wascally Wabbit
I'll bet you're wishing that I would have told you before now that there's no such thing as a one million dollar bill. How was I supposed to know you were going to be dumb enough to try and open a bank account with one? I thought that when you bought the cigarettes with a stolen check you were only mildly stupid and were possibly having severe nicotine cravings, but a one million dollar bill? And you tried to use it at a bank? I'm starting to think that you might possibly be just a tad obtuse. I'm sorry, you're from Georgia. Let me rephrase. Well, butter my butt 'n call me biscuit, I do believe you're dumber'n a toad sittin' on a bullfrog. I honestly have no idea what any of that means, but best of luck with those forgery charges and have fun in jail!
Very Distant Hugs,
I wish I could have seen the looks on the faces of a couple of Austrian purse snatchers who discovered nothing but a dead rabbit in the purse they'd just filched.
I'm so not making this up.
Hilda Morgenstein and her daughter were catching a train to the countryside so they could bury their recently deceased bunny out amongst the edelweiss. As a means of transporting the eternally sleeping lagomorph, Hilda had stuck it in her purse. I have no idea why anyone would put a dead rabbit in their purse, but whatever blows your skirt up. The two thievin' bastards made their move and were off with the purse and the dead rabbit faster than, well, two rabbits goin' at it like rabbits. But that Hilda is one quick thinker. Rather than telling her daughter the truth and explaining that the two men were total fuckwits and they'd just made off with her dead rabbit, she opted to go with the less traumatic story and told her that the men were angels and they were taking her bunny to a better place.
I'll bet the kid's not buyin' it.
And now I have this strange urge to write a song called Dead Bunny in a Hand-Me-Down Handbag.