November 26, 2007

Happy Monday! It is Still Monday, Isn't it?

My Fortune Cookie

"You are admired from afar". I started laughing when I read it, because I thought it could be clarified with, "But up close is a whole different story, Sister."

Sleep Evades the Wicked

You know those times when you haven't slept very well in a few days, and you're sleepy all the time, and then you start feeling crappy, but then after about 9 hours of crappiness you start feeling a bit loopy and you just start writing stuff on your blog, but you're not really sure what you're writing, you just know it's one hell of a run-on sentence?

Yeah. Me, too.

Let the Hiring Begin

Our administrative assistant quit, so I've had the pleasure of perusing resumes trying to find someone who will put up with me for 8 or so hours a day. I rank the hiring process right up there with having to sit through an eight hour Baptist sermon while wearing a dress made out of fiberglass insulation, and the guy in the pew behind me is singing I Keep Forgettin', and he's off key and singing it in a chipmunk voice, and there's a kid beside me that keeps poking me in the arm over and over again until I want to slap his finger right off his hand, and to my left Rush Limbaugh and Mike Huckabee are making out and using tongue and everything, and Ann Coulter won't stop asking me if she can braid my hair.

Well, maybe hiring someone isn't that bad, but it's damn close. And fuck me, I'm tired.

Take Care,


  1. Anonymous12:41 AM

    hahahaha I always write like that... "one hell of a run-on sentence"

  2. If I had any desire to move to your neck of the woods, I'd send my resume to you and your job or resume reading would be *voila* over, because I'm a damn fine admin, if I do say so myself.

  3. Cripes that sounds tedious. Did you smote the one that got away? Yeah I just like using the word smote, no go take a nap.

  4. Gee, Babs, you could solve the sleeplessness and the administrative assistant problem at the same time.

    Simply nod off while you're interviewing. If the prospective employee gets offended and walks out, that's it: Not Acceptable. But if the interviewee brings you a cup of coffee and says, "I think you need this, Hon," you've got a winner.

    And as for being admired from afar, you're not reading that with the proper accent. In the South, we-all say "far" when we're talkin' 'bout that hot, flaming bid'ness, as in "The far of mah desar keeps gittin' har." So, perhaps you need to run down to your local station house to see if any of the far-fighters got a thing f'yew.

  5. I hope Tuesday is going better for you. A long Monday makes for really long week.

  6. Claudia - I think I write that way because it's exactly how I talk.

    Kat - If you had any desire to move to my neck of the woods, I'd have you see my therapist, but then I'd hire you.

    Carla - No smoting. I don't even think smoting is a word, is it?

    Ex - That's a great idea on how to conduct interviews. Sleeping through them would be awesome.

    I guess I'm just gonna have to go hang out at the far-station and see iffen I can rustle up a far-fighter or two.

    Iffen. That's such a funny thing to use as a word.

  7. Chaplain - I was spoiled last week and only worked 2 days, so I have a feeling this one's going to be long no matter how much I wish it to be different.

  8. It's a word of biblical proportion, as in 'the lord smote thee' blah blah blah

  9. Carla - I know smote is a word, I just don't know if smoting is a word. As in, "And then the lord god started smoting the shit outta them".

  10. At least I would have a replacement therapist all ready and waiting. ;-)

  11. Kat - And a damn good one, at that!

  12. For the record - I admire you from afar.

    The guy behind you with the chipmunk voice - would it be Phil Collins? And would he be starkers?

    I would seriously apply to be your admin assistant. Totally. Not even kidding. And I actually have experience in that kind of stuff. But I'm not quite ready to move to Arkansas. And they probably wouldn't let me in anyway. And again - I'm not even kidding.

    And if I worked with you I'd find a way to mention naked Phil Collins at least once per workday - just for the kufwmx of it.