March 29, 2007

Send in the Chocolate Clowns

That Jesus Sho' Gets Around

My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble. Well, he's not exactly my boyfriend, but he's darn-tootin' close. It's Jesus! And he's not only back, but the big J is back on a cross. You'd think that first go around would have cured him of crosses, but I guess JC likes him some pain. This miraculous vision showed up in Tignish, Prince Edward Island. Jesus looks scared in this picture, doesn't he? He's probably having a flashback or something. And either the J man has some rather large nostrils or HOLY MOLEY, he has one ginormous beauty mark.

Mama Mary Clowns Around

Briceson Bryan of Austin, TX decided it would be way cool to steal a five-foot statue of the Virgin Mama from a cemetery. Then Briceson had an epiphany that led him to the conclusion that it would be like totally way cooler to paint the statue to make Big Mama look like a clown. Damn straight, Skippy. I don't know about you people, but every time I see a picture of the Virgin Mary my first thought is CLOWN! Oh my god! She's a CLOWN! And then I hear circus music and get a craving for cotton candy.

Holy S'mores, Batman!

Artist Cosimo Cavallaro is at it again, but this time instead of covering a hotel room in cheese, he's made a 6-foot chocolate Jesus. He's titled it, "My Sweet Lord", which I guess is okay.

But I think "Oh Sweet Jesus! Lawd a Mercy! It's Chocolaty Jesus Goodness! Somebody Get Me Some Raspberry Sauce and a Chisel, 'cause I'm Cuckoo For Cocoa Christ! would have been better, albeit a tad wordy.

"Christ Chocula" might have worked, too.

Anyway, the Catholic League has gotten its collective knickers in a knot and has boycotted the upcoming exhibit of Choco-Christ.

By the way, the Catholic League is a lot like the Justice League only none of the members are men of steel and none of them have invisible airplanes. I'm also pretty sure none of them are named "Aqua Man". I could be wrong about that, though.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Catholic, The Catholic League has denounced the chocolate Jesus as "hate speech". Wowie! It must be the slow season for the Catholic League if they're having to resort to boycotting a chocolate Jesus.

Seriously, Catholic League people- it's Jesus and he's made of chocolate. That's not hate. That's pure love. Pure chocolate love. I mean, Jesus and chocolate go together a heck of a lot better than chocolate and peanut butter and no one's calling Reese's Pieces "hate speech".

I think if Jesus were around, he'd love his chocolate self and probably try to bite off one of his toes. I know I would. Mmmm...chocolate Jesus toes.

Take Care,


  1. (wiping tears...) Cuckoo for cocoa Christ...*snort*

    Gotta scoot, the qrfzcwqp is ringing.

  2. If you eat a piece of the choco-Christ, does the Catholic church count it as taking communion?

  3. Cuckoo for Cocoa it! LOL

  4. I saw NOTHING in that 2x4. Those people have been sipping a little too much sacramental wine.

    *sigh* Silly conservative Catholics, don't they know there are better things in this world to get bent out of shape about? Perhaps their real issue is showing JC with genitalia, but they're too repressed to say that.

  5. Anonymous9:47 AM

    I wasted three and a half seconds staring at the piece of wood. Grrr. There is NOTHING there!

    I wanted to send you a link to this cook here in Vancouver who saw Jesus in a blob of cooked sauce left on a cookie sheet...but I couldn't get the whole story unless I paid for the online version :S Whatever...Had a pict and everything. Maybe I still have the paper I will scan it hehehe, it will be my project of the day.

  6. Perhaps the choco Christ is special Easter edition, you know the one where you bite the ears off first and then the tail?

  7. I wanna know what they guy was thinking as he carved up some Cocoa Christ private parts, parts that Jesus never used as Daddy meant, except maybe once, if you believe the Da Vinci Code. I wonder if he thought, when they lay it out for the chocolate sacrament, we know Flumadiddle will grab her some toes, but who's gonna go for some Holy Cocoa C*ck? Maybe Ted Haggard will convert, just for this.

  8. Oh BTW, I stared at that plank and I saw Jesus, but he wasn't on a cross, and he was wearing a sportcoat and looked kind of like Abe Vigoda.

  9. So when you carve him up on treat day, what do you say to the guy who gets stuck with the genitalia piece? I mean really - when you're stuck with the choco-jesus naughty bits what can be said at at that point? It's surely an awkward moment.

    'Kay, Babs. You've clearly lost your last marble. Nothing goes together better than chocolate and peanut butter!! NUTH!! THING!!

    well - unless its a choco-jesus-willy and a peanut-butter-Mary-hoo-hoo 'cause that is just strictly not according to Hoyle.

    Oh - you're not gonna believe the alien word-o-the-day. It's nwgadsz.
    Must be space-talk for gonads, eh?

  10. That chocochrist is spooky. And i've been in front of the skeletal christ at this chappel.

  11. Sharna - I think I should market it as a cereal.

    Ex - Only if you drink the holy milk with it.

    Diana - Maybe I could make a breakfast bar, too. For those fundies on the run.

    Kathleen - It's sad, isn't it?

    Crazy - I love it when Jesus is in the kitchen.

    Carla - Do you think he's hollow or solid?

    Don - Teddy's probably in NY right now waiting for it. Abe Vigoda - well I guess that explains why I thought Jesus looked scared.

    Fwig - I think someone will "accidentally" drop the holy relic on the floor so no one has to be embarrassed about eating it. And I've been at a marble deficit for years.

    Hey you're chocolate got into my peanut butter!

    Sorry - I had a flashback.

    Guerreiro - Hey - that chapel is creepy, but cool.

  12. Hollow, definitely hollow. And it's a really bad chocolate that leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

  13. Not only that Carla, but the texture is probably all waxy like that cheap Easter candy. Ooooh (epiphany!) ...maybe that's the whole point - waxy, bad-tasting Jesus custard chucker - even if it IS risen, I sho' don' want none.

    Who rang that bell? Don't nobody get in to see the hkoqxrnt - not nobody, not no how.