Fools for Christ

April 1st

I loathe April Fool's Day. No make that Loathe with a capital L. What the fuck, make it all caps. LOATHE. I LOATHE April Fool's Day.

I detest the whole concept of "tricking" someone. And every time someone does it to me and then I hear "April Fool's", I just want to poke the person in the eye. Twice. And have you noticed that the "trickster" never says "April Fool's" in any kind of normal voice? It's always in a sing-song voice and they always make "fools" have 2 syllables. "April Foo-ols"

Okay, I'm through with that now. Just so you know, if you are one that adores April Fool's Day, I'm fine with that. Just please don't get any on me.

Aliens Don't Like the Jesus

There's a little research group down in Cocoa, Florida. Oh looky! More cocoa. Maybe that should be my tagline. "Flumadiddle - More cocoa than ever." or "Flumadiddle - More cocoalicious by the minute."

Where was I? Oh yeah, the research group. They call themselves CE4 and they research UFOs. And they're Christians. Sweet cheese on a cracker! Can it get any better than that?

Why, yes. Yes it can.

The boys at CE4 have a way you can stop an alien abduction. How fuckin' handy is that? Let's say you're in your house, minding your own business and all of a sudden you find aliens in your living room and they're using their mind power to transport you into their space ship. And let's say that you have a 2:00 appointment and it's now 1:30 and you don't have time for such nonsense. Well, the CE4 trio state that all you have to do is call on the name of Jesus and those pesky aliens will drop you faster than an evangelical church drops their gay pastor. It's that easy!

CE4 doesn't explain why this works, though. I want to know the story behind the aliens and Jesus. JC obviously kicked some serious alien ass at some time or another and now the whole flock of aliens are scared of him. Are aliens a flock or are they a gaggle? I always confuse the two.

You can also read fascinating quotes like this on their website: "My findings confirm what I suspected a decade ago: a spiritual war is taking place on Earth. Alien expriencers and covert human experimentation operatives (CHEOPs) experiencers are right in the line of fire."

I have no idea what the heck that's supposed to mean, but it sounds super groovy to me. I wonder what kind of credentials you need to be a CHEOP, because I think it could be my next career move.

Finally, if you check out the CE4 scrapbook, you can find this caption on one of their photos: "Joe, Jim Wilhelmson and Guy at Roswell Crash Site blowing the shofar."

You can imagine my disappointment when I learned that a shofar is a trumpet made from a ram's horn.

Take Care,

The Bablatrice - Who is going to start practicing calling on Jesus' name. Just in case. But is only going to practice while at the grocery store.