If puppets are too sissy for you, you can jump on over to Train up a Child, and grab hold of some Bible action figures. They're 6" tall, except for Goliath - he's huge. He's gotta be at least 63 feet or something. Each figure retails for $6.95. That's only a little over a dollar an inch. The best part is, if you don't hang with the notion that Jesus was a white boy, then you can get your action figures in "dark skin". That's right! You can opt for "dark skin" or "light skin". It's just like choosing which part of the chicken you want! .
Speaking of thighs and breasts, for those of you who want a more adult Christian toy, then head on over to My Beloved's Garden. It's a website for Christian sex toys. But, just so you won't waste time looking - there isn't one single Jesus dildo. They do, however, have a hands-free vibrator, which will allow you to read the bible while you're um...you know...being vibrated.
Also, if you browse the lingerie, try not to be put off that the scantily clad models have had their cleavage and belly buttons blurred out. Belly buttons are a no-no at My Beloved's Garden, but the Anal Invader® is a big yes, yes oh yes. I'm not so sure about the name of that product. I think they could have come up with something a little less "conquer and destroy" sounding.
Finally, if you're finding church a little boring, you should buy the remote-controlled vibrating panties. Now that'll make her shout hallelujah and amen!