Georgie Ruins Ruins
President Bush is going to visit some ancient ruins in Guatemala and the Mayan leaders have decided that they're going to have to spiritually cleanse the ruins after George has ruined them with his negative karma cooties.
That was one long sentence, huh?
Mayan, Morales Toj stated, "We will burn incense, place flowers and water in the area where Mr. Bush has walked to clean out the bad energy."
I'd suggest spraying Lysol, too. Just in case. And it probably wouldn't hurt for everyone to take a round of penicillin, too. Oh hell, just napalm the place. That might be the only thing that will completely remove George cooties.
Rose M. Pagley-Brown, from Siloam Springs, Arkansas, is claiming that she ended up with a nice case of bed bugs after spending the night at the Stone Inn. She stated that a few days after spending the night at the motel, she woke up and "saw and felt countless bugs on her body and bed".
I'm betting they weren't REALLY countless. She probably just didn't have the patience to count all of them.
Rose proceeded to pick off three of the bugs, put them in a Ziploc bag and gave them to her attorney.
See that, people? Here in Arkansas, we can pay our attorneys with bed bugs.
Rose is suing the motel, and is seeking damages for pain and mental anguish, embarrassment and humiliation, medical bills and expenses.
Unfortunately for Rose, the motel owner has had the Dept. of Health inspect the motel twice and no buggies were found.
I think it's because Rose took them all home with her.
Excuse Me, Sir. Your Toaster is On Fire
Boy genius, Jonathan Zaletel, of Chandler, AZ decided that it would be a good idea to cook meth in his toaster. The toaster, who is smarter than Jon, then decided that it would rather die than be part of such shenanigans and promptly burst into flames.
Jon tried futilely to extinguish the flames with water and then with window cleaner, but the toaster was just too Kamikaze for Jon. Hold the phone. Window cleaner? Of all the things in my kitchen, window cleaner would have to be way down on the "what to use to put out a fire" list.
At wit's end, which isn't far for Jon Jon, he then thought it would be a good idea to pop into Wal-Mart to buy a fire extinguisher. And doesn't it make perfect sense to go shopping while you have a burning small appliance in your condo?
Much to Jon's chagrin, when he returned to his condo as the proud owner of a new extinguisher, he was met by Sheriff's deputies and arrested. It seems Jon didn't realize that a small appliance that is engulfed in flames will set off the sprinkler system which will then bring in the fire department. He also didn't realize that these firefighters will find a meth lab, should you have one tucked away in a closet.
Poor Jon. He could have gone so far in life if it wasn't for the whole total moron thing.