December 7, 2007

That Jesus Sho' Gets Around

Reynaldo Farinas of Homestead, FL
has accidentally inhaled Jesus. Well, not all of Jesus. I mean, that would take some pretty powerful lung action. Reynaldo only inhaled Jesus' head, and I'm only assuming it was accidental. I dunno. Maybe he meant to suck the head of Jesus into his lungs.

Why is this sounding dirtier than I'm intending?

I have no idea what Reynaldo did with Jesus' body. Maybe he's got it locked up somewhere safe so he can use it for communion on Sunday.

Anyhooha, Reynaldo went to his doctor complaining of chest pain, the doctor ordered an x-ray and voila! We have this:

Well, for fuck's sake, Reynaldo. No wonder you were having a bit of pain in your chest cavity. Look at all the crap you have in your lungs.
1.) The head of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man.

2.) A glow worm.

3.) A My Little Pony head.

4.) The head of Jesus, complete with either flowing hair or a ninja hood with jagged edges. It doesn't really matter which it is, because JC looks totally bitchin' with either. [Side note] A Ninja Jesus doll would be pretty cool, huh?

5.) This one worries me a bit, Reynaldo, because you've somehow managed to aspirate an entire city block of streetlights. For the love of little green monkeys, man, just what kind of super powers do you have?
Here's my recommendation for your lung issues: Wear a surgical mask from now on. Even a bandana over your face would help. You do realize that your lungs can only hold so much debris at one time, don't you? I also think it would be beneficial for you to at least try and hack up Stay-Puff man and the glow worm.

The pony head and Jesus head should definitely stay. It's rather poetic. Like some kind of biblical, children's version of The Godfather.

And as far as the streetlights go - you're pretty much f-u-k-t. But just think of how wicked cool it will be to show your buddies how you can shoot light out of your man nipples.

Take Care,


  1. Anonymous10:14 PM

    I CAN NEVER SEE IT! EVER! grr that really cheeses me off.

  2. Anonymous10:28 PM

    Yeah, I went to the news item and could not, for the life of me, find the Jesus head. Man, I must be blind or something.

  3. Why is it that EVERY female face is the god-ho Mary, and every male face is the god-bastard son of hers?

  4. I'd say that poor bastard needs to give up smoking.

    By the way, if he stands on his head, you can see a jellyfish.

  5. Claudia - You just need more faith. Or maybe you just have to be extremely delusional to see Jesus.

    Chaplain - See above.

    John - So I can make fun of them.

    Ex - I'm sorry I missed the jellyfish. I just haven't had the energy lately to be turning strange men upside down.

  6. Do I hafta squint to see them, cuz even when I do that I still can't see them. Maybe it's a bad film...I'll try again.

  7. I saw this on Keith Olbermann the other day and thought of you...should have known you'd already seen it.

  8. I've always assumed Jesus was the original Ninja.

    iscrgsi but true