December 18, 2007

I Think I'm About to UpHuck My Dinner

Who thinks Mikey's slimy? I do! I do! How come every time I see him, I regress to 3rd grade and start chanting "Mikey and Jesus sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g."? Oh, that's right. It's because I'm immature, and Huckabee has a big, huge crush on Jesus.

Speaking of delusional, (just pretend I was, okay?) Catholic League president Bill Donahue does not approve of Mikey's choice of advertisements. No sireebob. In fact, he accused Mikey of inserting subliminal messages into the ad. Bill says that he is especially disturbed by the white cross image that is made by light reflecting on the bookshelves behind Mikey's ginormous head. Sure Bill, and you see those three "ornaments" on the shelf? Well, they're really the three wise men, and they're mooning you.

Even though I'm not going to go as far as Bill the Delusional did when critiquing this ad, there are a few issues I have with it.

1. It made me feel really, really icky greasy.

2. I just dig the way Mikey starts off with how everyone must be tired of political commercials and then proceeds with his political commercial. But we're not supposed to figure out that the guy wanting to make it to the White House is trying to trick us with his non-political, political commercial. They don't call you the Huckster for nothin', you sneaky bastard.

3. The multi-colored lights on the tree.

4. The number of times dude blinks. I counted 37 - 41 blinks, but it was hard to count because I didn't want to blink for fear that I'd miss one of his blinks and watching him blink made me want to blink and then my eyes would start watering and I'd try watching with one eye and I'd end up blinking anyway. But, 37 - 41 blinks in 31 seconds is just not normal. If making a commercial stresses him out this much, how the hell does he expect to make it as President? And now I'm very conscious of my blinking. Curse you and your eyelids, Huckabee.

7. Oh yeah, that part about what really matters is the celebration of the birth of Christ. It just sounded so cold and unfeeling. No drama at all. He should have went with something like, "and what really matters is the celebration of the birth of the baby Jesus who popped forth from the womb of a virgin so chaste she didn't even know that boys had different parts than girls "down there". This precious, innocent, extra-virgin baby then grew up and was nailed to a cross, much like the big white one behind my head, to save degenerates like you. I urge you filthy, whoring sinners to accept the Baby Jesus into your heart. If you don't, you'll be burning in Hell for all eternity, and eternity is like infinity plus one thousand million squared." And then he should have giggled and taken a big swig of Jack straight from the bottle.

8. And the last is, "I'm Mike Huckabee and I approved this message." I'm glad you cleared that up, Mikey, 'cause I was worried that it wasn't really you doing the talking. I thought maybe some ventriloquist had their hand up your ass or something.

Take Care.
Babs -who did not approve this message at all. Not even a little bit.


  1. I never realized there were extra-virgin babies. I gotta buy me some extra-virgin baby oil.

    And use it on my ujwkmx.

  2. Hey, Babs, this is the funniest video you've made yet. I almost thought the cartoon character was really a presidential contender. Great work.

    In any case, Bill Donohue is wrong. There's nothing subliminal about this ad. It's as subtle as buggering an altar boy.

    But let's not exonerate Huckabuck. The real subliminal part is "I approved this message about the real meaning of Christmas. If you're not a real Christian, fuck you."

    By the way, some psychologists believe that over-blinking is a "tell." It gives away that the person is lying.

  3. Anonymous11:53 AM

    Well, I counted 42 blinks - but I'm pretty sure I missed a couple.

    The Huckster is slimy and sleazy beyond belief. I just may have to throw up if I ever watch him for more than 30 seconds at a time. He's the scariest specimen in a candidate pool filled with Truly Terrifying Republicans.

    Who says "true Christians" refuse to celebrate Halloween? This entire campaign has been like spending an evening stumbling through a Haunted House with only a Bic lighter to light the way. Actually, I should amend that to read Hell House, the family-friendly Christian version of the much more evil haunted houses that we heathen find so entertaining.

  4. The Deacon5:23 PM

    You mean you do not like the slight of hands of his parlor game? With the left hand he flashes that this is not a political ad and is just a seasons greeting. In the meantime the right hand is quietly flashing the political message that is drawing in and solidify the right wing, "I am a godly man, more so than the others. Trust me since God is with me and all will be well." It is the same message the shrub gave eight years ago.

  5. The cross of the shelves behind his head was a nice touch and yeah, what's up with all that blinking?

    Colored lights suck. White lights rule! I'm a white light supremacist when it comes to x-mas trees.

  6. Fwig - You HAVE to try the extra-virgin baby oil, but I must warn you - that shit is expensive. But worth every penny.

    Ex - Thanks, I worked hard on the video, but I think I made the character look too goofy. And I don't believe a word Huckabee says. After all, I had to have him as governor for what felt like forever. And he was not an honest person when he was governor.

    Chaplain - Thank you for re-counting the blinks for me. I was really having trouble with it. I have to go check out Hell House, I'm sure I'm going to love it.

    Deacon - The scary thing is, I think Huckabee "talks to god" way more than Bush does.

    Philly - Yay! A fellow white-light lover. I never have anything but white lights. It HAS to be white lights. Not blue or red or green or yellow or any combination of the above. WHITE.

  7. Keith Olbermann took Huckabuck to task for this one, as well. And I actually think Crazy Catholic Bill is probably right about the subliminal message of the white cross. I think it was totally done on purpose.

    I think it's kind of ridiculous that after a commercial with the actual candidate doing the actual talking they have to say "I'm So-and-So and I approve this message." Uh, duh!