December 18, 2007
Who thinks Mikey's slimy? I do! I do! How come every time I see him, I regress to 3rd grade and start chanting "Mikey and Jesus sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g."? Oh, that's right. It's because I'm immature, and Huckabee has a big, huge crush on Jesus.
Speaking of delusional, (just pretend I was, okay?) Catholic League president Bill Donahue does not approve of Mikey's choice of advertisements. No sireebob. In fact, he accused Mikey of inserting subliminal messages into the ad. Bill says that he is especially disturbed by the white cross image that is made by light reflecting on the bookshelves behind Mikey's ginormous head. Sure Bill, and you see those three "ornaments" on the shelf? Well, they're really the three wise men, and they're mooning you.
Even though I'm not going to go as far as Bill the Delusional did when critiquing this ad, there are a few issues I have with it.
1. It made me feel really, really icky greasy.
2. I just dig the way Mikey starts off with how everyone must be tired of political commercials and then proceeds with his political commercial. But we're not supposed to figure out that the guy wanting to make it to the White House is trying to trick us with his non-political, political commercial. They don't call you the Huckster for nothin', you sneaky bastard.
3. The multi-colored lights on the tree.
4. The number of times dude blinks. I counted 37 - 41 blinks, but it was hard to count because I didn't want to blink for fear that I'd miss one of his blinks and watching him blink made me want to blink and then my eyes would start watering and I'd try watching with one eye and I'd end up blinking anyway. But, 37 - 41 blinks in 31 seconds is just not normal. If making a commercial stresses him out this much, how the hell does he expect to make it as President? And now I'm very conscious of my blinking. Curse you and your eyelids, Huckabee.
7. Oh yeah, that part about what really matters is the celebration of the birth of Christ. It just sounded so cold and unfeeling. No drama at all. He should have went with something like, "and what really matters is the celebration of the birth of the baby Jesus who popped forth from the womb of a virgin so chaste she didn't even know that boys had different parts than girls "down there". This precious, innocent, extra-virgin baby then grew up and was nailed to a cross, much like the big white one behind my head, to save degenerates like you. I urge you filthy, whoring sinners to accept the Baby Jesus into your heart. If you don't, you'll be burning in Hell for all eternity, and eternity is like infinity plus one thousand million squared." And then he should have giggled and taken a big swig of Jack straight from the bottle.
8. And the last is, "I'm Mike Huckabee and I approved this message." I'm glad you cleared that up, Mikey, 'cause I was worried that it wasn't really you doing the talking. I thought maybe some ventriloquist had their hand up your ass or something.
Babs -who did not approve this message at all. Not even a little bit.