December 21, 2007

Pigs and the Number Seven

The Baby Jesus says "Oink Oink"

The oh, so lovely Carla sent me a link to a story about a Baby Jesus theft, but this one is just freaky. Vandals in Eugene, Oregon took two Baby Jesi from nativity scenes and left two severed pig heads in their place. Pig heads? This story leaves me asking so many questions.
  • Where did these people get the heads? Did they buy them at the Pork Head Emporium or did they cut them off the pigs themselves?
  • Were the pig heads pickled? I mean, a lot of other pig parts are pickled, so I'm thinking maybe some people enjoy the entire head pickled.
  • Why a pig's head? Are they saying that the Baby Jesus is a pig, or that Christianity as a religion is a pig?
  • Where are the pigs' bodies?
That last question holds the answer as to who the vandals are. Just look for the family having a luau for Christmas.

I've Been Tagged

The Lifeguard has tagged me with a meme that dictates that I must state seven unknown or unusual facts about myself. Okay, you asked for it.
  1. I have to sleep with a fan on. Doesn't matter the season, I have to have the noise.
  2. I won an award in Kindergarten for bible verse memorization. It just went downhill from there.
  3. I like the middle brownie. If I do get stuck with one of the outside brownies, I'll cut off the crusty part.
  4. When I was little, I thought that clouds came from smokestacks. When I learned how clouds are really formed, I was extremely disappointed.
  5. I can write my name with both hands simultaneously in mirror image. I'm sure one day that will help me escape from a life-threatening situation.
  6. I collect wooden boxes and old flower frogs.
  7. I created a shrine in my living room to honor a fake, dead crow. His name is Clarence.
Keeping in the spirit of Christmas, I am tagging Santa Claus, an elf - any elf will do, and the Grinch.

Take Care,


  1. 1. I think the fan noise is probably fairly inoffensive. When I first moved out of New York City, I had trouble sleeping without the sound of car alarms.

    2. I'll bet you can still recite those bible verses today. But can you write them in two directions at the same time? Or, better, can you bake 'em onto a crustless brownie?

    Speaking of which: I'm not even gonna discuss #3, because you are just soooooooo wrong. On the other hand. more crunch for me.

    4. You mean clouds don't come from smokestacks? Well, someone's sure been yankin' my chain.

    5. Listen, you've got a major survival skill going there. If you ever get trapped inside the mirror, you can write the mirror image of your name, which would be the correct image on our side, and then, when you held it up, we'd be able to figure out where you were.

    6. So what kind of boxes do you store your wooden boxes in?

    7. Was Clarence a fake, dead crow because he was a fake crow, or because he was only faking being dead? This is important because I want to know whether fake, dead corn would be an appropriate offering.

  2. Anonymous10:04 PM

    It looks like you'll be eating the middle of the brownie while Exterminator and I fight over the edges.

    With regard to Clarence's death, or faked death, or faked life and death, should I offer red or white wine alongside of Exterminator's corn? Does it depend on whether the corn is fake, you know, like white wine with fake stuff, red wine with dead stuff? I really need to know because I've got to master a whole new set of fake rituals now.

  3. Luau, that cracked me up!

    1. me too
    2. won a blue ribbon in jr high for bad minton
    3.Brownies, any day any way, unfortunately.
    4. I'm trying to figure out a way to do a cloud website where people send in photos of the things they see in clouds. Don't steal my idea.
    5.I can barely write my name from typing so much.
    6.I no longer collect anything.
    7. Just adopted a fake crow this year for Halloween, his name is Billy.

  4. Mmmmmmm....(eyes rolling up into head)...middle brownie...I covet the middle brownie and will surely go to hell for it. That's okay though. I'll be in excellent company.

  5. Well someone has to like the middle brownie. Incidentally, I saw on tv this week some baking pan with a sine curve groove to pour your brownie batter in so that ALL the brownies would be outside brownies. Certainly not the gift to give you, unless someone wanted to be a dick.

    The signature thing is very cool. I've tried drawing with my left hand. Very tough.

    Pig heads? Intriguing. My uncle was a butcher and one of the many times he brought home a calf's head, his oldest daughter thought it would be fun to freak out the youngest with it. When it was her bath time, the oldest put the head in the tub so that when the little girl went in to take her bath, AAAAHHH!!! Ah, the fun of animal heads. You can freak out children with them, decorate your tree, make a statement about christmas or countless other things with them. The limits are only your imagination.

  6. Brownies? WHo cares where they are? They're freaking BROWNIES!

    Signature-- how long did it take you to do that? Why? Fascinating skill though, and I think you should write a novel where knowing that skill saves the main character's life.

    Clarence died for your sins... accept him as your Lord and Saviour! Repent!!

  7. Okay - gotta ask -- What the hell are flower frogs?

    And number 7 -- please tell me you're making that shit up because it's seriously freaking me the fuck out!

    The brownie thing, I get. I don't eat brownies but I loves my party pizzas cut in squares and I always go for the middlin's. I don't eat pizza crusts. Unless there's plenty of garlic dip handy. Otherwise I just stick my crusts up my nose and bark like a walrus until someone comes along and takes them away.

    pass the pzmadfp please

  8. What is an old flower frog?

  9. I like inside and outside brownies, I'm pretty much easy to please when it comes to brownies. And I like the ones from store bought brownie mix the best.