December 8, 2007

Desperately Seeking

Once again, strange searches that have lured people into the den of Flumadiddle.
  • Jesus beats up Hercules - Good lucky finding that one, buddy. I've seen Jesus fight, and truth be known, he fights like a sissy.

  • Banana peel on pimple - Well, that's one way to cover a zit, but you're gonna look kinda stupid walking around with a banana peel on your face.

  • How to make a fake peg leg - 1. Cut off one of your legs. 2. Cut down a tree. 3. Cut off a branch- one that's roughly leg-sized. 4. Whittle. A lot. 5. Attach newly whittled appendage with screws, nails, or really big staples. I guess you can use duct tape, if you're just going to be a weenie about the whole thing. 6. Plant a new tree to replace the other one you cut down just so you could fulfill your infantile, little pirate fantasy. 7.Enjoy!

  • Peeing Babs - Well, not at the moment, but thanks for checking.

  • How nutritious is human poop- Well, it's highly nutritious. It's full of vitamins, and nutrients and corn. But, from what I hear, and this may or may not be factual, but I've heard it doesn't taste very good. In fact, I've heard it tastes like poop.

  • How to properly hold hands with a guy info for girls - This one can be tricky. First you have to find the guy you want to hold hands with. Then, you have to tackle him. Aim for the back of his knees. Grapple. Grapple more. C'mon, quite fighting like Jesus. When you have him in a headlock, grab one of his hands and hold it. At this point, if you've done everything correctly, the boy will look at you with misty eyes and Leo Sayer will appear out of nowhere wearing a skin tight, baby blue polyester suit and start singing When I Need You. If Leo doesn't make a showing, something went horribly wrong and you've just beat up a boy for no good reason. Way to go, you big bully.

  • Gay preacher joke - Ted Haggard. (Thank you to whoever searched for this, because it has allowed me to use another outdated reference to Teddy the Obviously Gay Evangelical.)

  • Code Whore - Douche Bag

  • Jesus eats bananas - He sure does, because they happen to be his favorite food in the entire universe. He also uses them to cover up his zits.

  • Crazy Clown vs.Jesus - Why is Jesus fighting so much lately? Maybe it's banana overload. Can too much potassium turn you into a raging lunatic? I think it's more likely that someone has pissed him off, and that's why JC has resorted to physical violence. Whoever you are, cut it out. Jesus is supposed to be busy showing himself in trees and x-rays and other such nonsense. Let him do his job, asshat.
Take Care,
Babs

7 comments:

  1. I particularly like "Jesus beats up Hercules" and "Crazy Clown v. Jesus."
    Apparently, you've got some kind of "Extreme Jesus Fighting" thing going on here at Flumadiddle, your home for JC-Wrestling Mania!

    Here's what I think you might try next: "Dancing with the Gods."

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  2. Do you ever see actual connections between what you've written and how people find you? If someone found me by asking whether I was peeing, I would have to wonder which of us is sicker: the searcher for asking or me for telling!

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  3. Jesus eats bananas

    Babs forgot to mention the evolutionary angle here. Jesus' ancestor's may have moved out of the trees and on to the savannas, but they never forgot that great banana taste.

    Also, few realize that at the Last Supper, Jesus broke bread and gave wine to the apostles because he was hoarding all the bananas for himself.

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  4. John Evo - you can't blame Jesus for wanting a couple of daiquiris before his death.

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  5. I would take your searches anyday. I have seen some on my site meter thingy saying "hot mom's f****** their sons" and other such shit as that. DISTURBING.

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  6. I'm laughing at the thought of all these crazed Jesus lovers coming to your blog.

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  7. Brilliant. I live for your DS articles!

    eeokmso hard his head'll spin

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