Jesus Got Some Mad Skillz

The ever lovely Carla has discovered an amazing website. Eric Dyson is the founder of Fishermen, which is the result of an epiphany. As in a god talking to him epiphany. In secular realms this is known as schizophrenia, but if you're a Christian who hears voices, those silly medical terms don't apply to you. While Eric was in his delusional state he heard god tell him, "I am always with you", but Eric's god didn't stop there. He also sent Eric an image of Jesus on a motorcycle. I am so with Eric on this one. I can't tell you how many times I've received the image of JC on a Harley. I'll just be out driving or shopping or even watching tv and all of a sudden, BAM! Jesus on a motorcycle. But unlike myself, Eric has actually done something with his vision. He designed a figurine of the J-Man on a bike. Have a look-see for yourself.

I think this is so completely wicked awesome. I'll bet that bad boy's got a lot of rev. Wind 'er up, J Dawg. Isn't it cute how the robe flowing out behind him makes him look like he just hatched from a clam shell? Wait. That would make Jesus a bearded clam, and that's just too nasty even for me, so I won't say anything about that. But the golden crown of thorns? Exquisite. And by exquisite I mean, what the fuck? Does Jesus really want to be reminded of how much those thorns hurt? Why don't you just have a spear impaling his side? Which makes me wonder if the handlebars and foot pegs have spikes on them that poke into Jesus' piercings so he won't fall off the bike.

Eric then decided that since Motorcycle Jesus was so darn dandy, he went on to design...



Falling Off the Side of a Cliff Jesus. Or maybe it's a poorly designed tree, or maybe that crazy Jesus is try to climb a cross. Either way, I am so digggin' the form-fitting outfit he's sporting. By the way, Jesus, is that a carabiner in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

How about War and Peace Jesus? Poor Jesus is all befuddled. He's not sure whether he wants to go kick some ass Rambo style, attend a death metal concert, or bring peace and goodwill to the world. I say do all three. After all, you're Jesus. You can totally pull it off. I think by the look on his face, the dove just made a little doodie in Jesus' hand. And it has to hurt like hell when he puts the combat helmet on over the crown of thorns. I'm just not sure Eric really thinks through his designs with Jesus' comfort in mind.

If cowboys make you shout, "Yeehaw!", then Yeehaw Jesus is perfect for you. I simply adore Jesus in chaps. The way they accentuate his very ample belt buckle is such a turn-on. But the shirt is a definite turn-off. Like way, way off. It just doesn't have enough sparkle to keep up with the crown.

Who can resist Homeless Jesus? I know I can't. But I'm not sure how much sympathy Jesus is going to garner from people while he's got that big ol' crown made of GOLD on his head. Sell that puppy on eBay, Jesus. You'll have all kinds of rappers and hoochie mamas bidding on that fine piece o' bling. Then you'll have oodles of money and you'll be able to buy a hand-painted, wooden sign, or even a custom-designed neon sign. Now that for sure would get you a food-paying job.

And finally, we have Shark Bait Jesus. The J-Man is ridin' the tube, but see how he's holding the wave back with his hand? That's cheating, Jesus. Just because you have magical powers and can hold back water with your hand, doesn't mean you should. Besides, you can already walk on water, surfing shouldn't be any kind of challenge for you, so let go of the board already and stand up like real surfer. I just don't think the other surfers aren't going to want to hang with you, brah.


Take Care,
Babs