December 3, 2007

Counting is Fun

It's the most wonderful time of the year; at least that's what the song wants us to believe. But, I'm here to talk about the darker side of Christmas. The evil that only makes itself known in December. No, I'm not talking about all the bad songs we have to endure. I'll save those for another post. I'm talking about evil so squalid it reeks of the armpits of a thousand demons. Evil so maniacal, so ruthless it makes Satan run away screaming like a little girl.

In the dark of the night, when the frosty air has left its breath across the fields, and children are tucked quietly under tufted quilts, the horror begins. That's when Baby Jesuses in nativity scenes all over the world are being ripped from their little, hallowed nests of hay. The reports of lordnappings have already began to trickle in, so I thought somebody should keep track of
them. Then I thought that somebody should be me. I feel it's my duty. So, every time I read a news report of a pilfered Baby J from a nativity scene, I'll post my counter. So far I've read about...




I obviously have an over abundance of free time.

Take Care,
Babs

20 comments:

  1. Evil so maniacal, so ruthless it makes Satan run away screaming like a little girl. A sexist statement in Flumadiddleland? I'm shocked!

    It's early in the season, so I guess the Jesusnappers are just getting started. It's good to know you're on the watch. I feel better already. I know my baby Jesus's are safe, because they're all still packed in their boxes in the back of my closet. They somehow didn't manage to come out with the tree and the lights this year. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. The real question is: How do you know so much about these Jesusnappers? Fess up. What are you going to do with all those baby Jesi you've taken?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wasn't me, I would have replaced them with squid. Or added extra arms and legs.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chaplain - I'm all about the sex. Oh, you said sexist. I can't believe you're letting your Baby Jesuses suffocate in their boxes. You really are a heathen. Tee hee.

    Ex - I'm going to glue them all over my car and make a Baby Jesusmobile. I figure if the pope and the Oscar Mayer wiener have their own mobiles, then Baby Jesus should, too.

    Enonomi - Sqid in a manger. That's so sweet. I also think a multi-limbed Baby J would be awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey wait a sec... I though Jesusnapping is what the Lord did while he was in the tomb for three days. He was napping.

    Then he gets up, walks out of the tomb and if he sees his shadow it's three more weeks of winter, right?

    Chap: If you're shocked by Babs, then you're not coming around often enough.

    Ex: I think you're on to something about Babs and this whole lordnapping thing. Then again... why are YOU so quick to point the finger? LORDNAPPER!

    Enonomi: I wish you a Merry Squidmas, I wish you a Merry Squidmas, I wish you a Merry Squidmas, and a Chappy New year!

    Babs: "I'm going to glue them all over my car and make a Baby Jesusmobile. I figure if the pope and the Oscar Mayer wiener have their own mobiles, then Baby Jesus should, too."

    You are a very, very SICK WOMAN.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Manger Danger!!! Manger Danger!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. roflmfao @ manger danger! that is perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  8. wait... "Jesi"? omg Im laughing so hard it hurts now.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree with Claudia, Manger Danger has a nice, rhythmic ring to it. Good one, Carla.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It is exceptionally bad form to place baby Jesus in the manger prior to December 25, so they deserve this. It's just plain wrong. Or maybe it's just a Catholic thing...and since you're in the south, God only knows what those Baptists do.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lifeguard - I concur with your statement on my state of mind.

    Carla - Hahahaha. Love it!

    Claudia - Laughing is good for you. It makes you forget about laundry. Oops, I just reminded you, didn't I?

    Kat - Oh, you'd be surprised what these Baptists around here do. I may have to go out one night and take pictures of the hideous yard displays.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm shocked that anyone would take a baby Jesus in Jesusland. What, doesn't everyone already have one of their own down there? The only reason I can see for needing more than one is to build a Jesus mobile.

    If I hear of any more, I'll forward the news.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mark Morford has written another column I think you'd enjoy - not that I've read it yet, but the opening paragraph was enough to make me think of you. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sorry about the deleted comment. I should have included the link. I'll try again.

    EnoNomi posted on Mark Morford's article too.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Philly - Things are just way crazy down here in Jesusland. In fact, I'd bet people there's roughly 3.4 Jesi per capita in this strange little corner of the world I live in.

    Please do send stolen baby Jesus stories. There can never be too many.

    Kat - How come every time you send me a link to an article that Mark has written I absolutely love it, and I think I should bookmark the friggin' site so I can read it on a daily basis, but I never do? I'm just glad I have you to remind me of such wonderful reads. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  17. You can always just sign up for his newsletter. That way you get an e-mail that tells you when he's posted. It's brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  18. bless you and your abundance of free time!

    What would we do without you?

    go a little qpyzro I suppose...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Fwig - You are too kind, my good man.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Not at all.

    You're just too talented.

    ReplyDelete