Craig Rhodenhizer is a pastor in Lyndonville, Ohio. He left his house last Wednesday night to go to Best Buy, but Craig didn't come back home. His wife reported him missing, and was probably scared that he'd been abducted by the Geek Squad. But Saturday she heard the good news that he'd been found. Well praise Jesus and pass the butter beans! The bad news was, Craig was located at a strip club.
Maybe we were a bit hasty with the praising Jesus thing.
After Craig was totally busted, he pretended that he didn't know where he was or how he got there. Fucking brilliant, Craig! The only problem with his oh-so-clever excuse is that some trampy dancer at the club stated that not only did Craig know exactly what he was doing, but he also knew how to tell her about it using obscenitites. Yay for dirty talk! In his disoriented state, Craig also had a few drinks, a few lap dances and offered to pay one of the dancers to go back to a motel room with him. I dunno. Maybe when you have some dirty whore grinding her naughty parts on your lap, you do become disoriented.
Or maybe when you're a supposed man of god and you get caught shoving dollar bills in a stripper's g-string, you don't have enough wits about you to come up with a better excuse. Why didn't Craig blame it on Satan? Satan's been taking the rap for Christian's bad behavior for thousands of years. It's not like a little stripper action is going to hurt his reputation.
Craig's wife, Susan, stated that her husband's behavior was, "Very, very surprising. Totally out of character." I hate to say it, but I think Susan is totally out of touch with reality. She also stated that Craig's behavior must have been due to being so stressed from the Lenten and Easter season.
Well, now it's all coming together and starting to make sense. I know after enduring yet another Easter, I have this strange urge to go down to the local strip club and see me some stripper tits. It's the only thing that will wash the horror of the resurrection and Peeps out of my mind.