March 4, 2008

Which came first, the bunny or the egg?


Excuse Me?


I received an email that someone sent from GodTube. The subject line was "I Love Little Boys", and the message was "You heard me!".

I'm hoping this was one of you trying to point me in the direction of some hideous video I could poke fun at. If so, could you send it again with the video? If it's not one of you, then someone on GodTube is one sick dickhole and they're proud of it. Why they would want me to know is a mystery, though.

Church Sign O' the Week

This week we have a 2 for 1 special, and it's only Tuesday! I think a certain g-o-d is smiling down on this happy, little heathen.

Sign #1 - Easter Eggstravaganza

Sign #2 - Have an eggcellent Easter

Church Sign Guy must be one of those liberal Christians who think it's A-OK to have eggs and bunnies and all manner of pastel, goofy stuff at Easter. Unlike those stuffy evangelical, born again buttholes who think that if you dare give your child an egg on Easter, Jesus will send Moses down from way up there in heaven to bean you on the head with his staff. And, trust me, Moses has a huge staff. I'll betcha his staff is really hoary, too. I just had to throw that in, because every time I think of Moses (which is a lot) I think of the word "hoary".

CSG is also obviously on a campaign to have all of the church signs in the area have some pun with the word "egg" in it so, I thought I'd help out. Here are a few ideas:
  • Demon possessed? Come get eggcorcised.
  • I'm pickin' up good vibrations. Jesus is giving me eggcitations.
  • Jesus can beat the eggscrement out of the Easter Bunny.
  • Our pews may be eggscrutiatingly uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as you'll be in the lake of fire.
  • Jesus: He's eggstra special (but not short bus special)
  • Come get your sin eggsfoliated.
  • On Judgement Day there will be no eggscuses for you being such a dirty, dirty whore.
  • Be eggstreme for Jesus - he likes it rough.
  • Last one to heaven is a rotten egg.
  • Our pastor's having an eggstramarital affair, but we're not telling his eggsasperating wife.
  • Enter as a sinner, but eggsit as an annoyingly pious person.
And if you want to do a sign with something other than eggs, what about bunnies?

You're no bunny 'til some bunny loves you enough to tell you that you're going to die and go to hell.

Take Care,
Babs - who has a feeling that The Eggsterminator is going to have some of his own sign ideas.

10 comments:

  1. Thanks for another ROFL religious eggsperience...

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  2. Babs - who has a feeling that The Eggsterminator is going to have some of his own sign ideas.

    Well, quite a challenge, and my first two attempts weren't very good:

    1. Try an eggsperiment this Easter: Chick out Jesus!

    2. Eggsult in the Lord on Easter Day. He died for everybunny!

    But here's one I like a lot:
    Blessed are the Peeps-makers: for they shall be called the children of Goo.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I received that mail too!

    Lol!

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  4. It wasn't me. I didn't even know there was a Godtube.

    You were on a roll, girl!

    ReplyDelete
  5. What about "Abortions are never okay... unless it's an egg... Happy Easter"?

    No?

    Okay, nevermind. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I received the 'little boys' email as well. And last night received the disclaimer from cword@GodTube.com who assures that the message didn't originate from them and "doesn't fit with their standards".

    Well, that's a relief. Still, I don't think I'd put any children in the care of anyone named c-word.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Brilliant Easter signs, Babs!

    How about:
    • Remember this Easter, Jesus dyed for your sins

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  8. I've always preferred chocolate crosses over chocolate eggs. Chocolate crosses are eggcellent.

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  9. No, no, Philly. He didn't dye on Easter Sunday, he eggspired on Good Friday.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Eggscuse me, but not only is your blog a riot, you inspire some of the funniest comments too... and, believe me, that's no eggsaggeration!

    ReplyDelete