March 21, 2008

What Was I Looking For?

It's time again for another installment of Desperately Seeking - that fun game where I share the strange Google searches that have led people to the even stranger Flummadiddle Land. YAY! I said...fuckin' YAY!

Before we go any further, I have to mention one thing. The majority of the searches still have to do with stinky penises. For the love of little green monkeys, I am sorry that your junk stinks, but I can't do anything about it, so STOP IT. Just stop. Please.

Okay, here we go.

  • Worse than Phil Collins - Michael Bolton. Yeah. That's pretty much all I can come up with.

  • Squirrels rob bank - I've been trying to tell everyone that squirrels are some evil little bastards.

  • Nut kicking/training - How much training does it take to kick someone in the nuts? I've been doing it since I was 8. For chrissake, just aim in the general direction of his crotch and kick.

  • Bible verse about brownies - That's easy. It's John 5:29 "And Jesus saith unto his disciples, 'Let not your hearts be troubled, for I have brownies. Special brownies, nudge nudge wink wink. Get it? Special brownies. NO? Ye disciples are morons. I have brownies and they're special. Ye knoweth of what I fuck it'. And Jesus was sorely vexed and forthwith bitch slapped his disciples about the face.

  • Creepy Arkansas - It's just west of Eerie, Arkansas and 20 miles north of That's Just Sick, Arkansas.

  • Spider nun- Spider nun, spider nun she's leggy, furry and lots of fun.

  • Christ queef - I know JC was supposed to be able to do the whole miracle thing, but could he really queef? If so, that totally rocks.

  • Crotch scratching is a sign of what - Um, I'm going to guess an itchy crotch?

  • What to do if bunny dies - Cry. Cry some more. Sob uncontrollably. Bury bunny. Replace dead bunny with new and improved bionic bunny.

  • Fun and fruity nicknames - Well, that depends. If you're trying to come up with a nickname for a man, you can go with Blueberry Balls. For a woman, Watermelon Ass. Use these and you will get laid. Guaranteed.

  • Fun unusual facts about pigs - 1) Pigs love to read trashy romance novels. 2) Pigs are born with five legs, but the mommy pig always eats one of the legs 'cause pigs loves them some pork. 3) Pigs snort massive amounts of magic dust which is what makes bacon so damn tasty. 4) Contrary to popular cartoon sterotyping, pigs do not stutter, nor do they run around in nothing but a shirt. They are very well-spoken and well dressed.

  • Penis fell out- 8 inch stroke with a 6 inch dick.

Take Care,


  1. Well if Jesus was passing out a lot of special brownies, that explains a lot of shit.

  2. Gee, Babs, I thought I warned you. Those are the kinds of strange searches that will point to Flumadiddle if you insist on quoting from the Gospel of Betty Crocker.

    In the beginning was the Brownie, and the Brownie was with Nuts, and the Brownie was Nuts.

    Blessed are those that hunger and thirst after brownies for they shall be filled with double fudge.

    And when he had taken the five brownies and the two blondies, he looked up to Duncan Hines, and thanked him, and Pillsbury also thanked he, and brake the brownies and gave them to his disciples to set before them; and the two blondies divided he among them all.

    And then his penis fell out. And, lo, he was worse than Phil Collins, yea, worse even than a queef. And his crotch scratching was a sign of the end times, for devil's food cake had been robbed from a bank by three squirrels with fun and fruity names and also a dead bunny from Creepy Arkansas. And woe unto ye who train not thy nuts for kicking nor thy spiders for the nunnery, for ye shall be forced to learn fun unusual facts about pigs.

  3. Anonymous6:44 PM

    {hilly: I used to love brownies. Thanks for ruining them for me.

    I've misplaced my copy of Betty's gospel. Do you know where I can get another one? I can't find it on Amazon or eBay.

    I don't recall reading your post about some poor sod whose penis fell out. Can you provide a link?

  4. Anonymous6:45 PM

    Hey - did you see my secret code spelling for Philly's name? Pretty creative, I think.

  5. I don't know what's crazier. The fact the people are actually searching for this stuff, or that it all leads to Flumadiddle!

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. LMAO! I'll never look at a brownies again without collapsing in hysterics.

    I confess I'm strangely intrigued by this mysterious Spider Nun.