March 30, 2008

Should I Date Jesus?

I Did It

I now have a personal ad online. I think I picked the perfect username, too. TheAntiPerky. That should keep away the men who are wanting some bundle of sunshine chick, dontcha think?

I just figured what the hell. It can't hurt and so far I'm having fun with it. I've also discovered that 95% of the men in NW Arkansas are Christians. Big surprise, huh? So, I email the Christian dudes and ask them if they want to convert me. So far, I haven't had any takers with that totally awesome pick-up line. Who knows? I might end up with some pretty good stories to share with you, and by "pretty good stories" I mean dating horror stories.

Sorry, Evo, I didn't go with your "fucking in front of the Frigidaire" idea. I figure that will have to keep until I get desperate.

That Jesus Sho' Gets Around

I don't know what Jesus thinks he's doing, but that crazy beehotch has been showing up everywhere lately. I guess he's feelin' pretty footloose and fancy free after pulling his resurrection trick. Again.

In the past week or so, JC has shown up in a door, a shower and a window.

I'm sorry, but that is most certainly John Travolta stuck in that door. It must be some kind of Scientology trick. The shower image looks like One-Eyed Bob who hangs out on the corner, and smells like summer sausage and cheap gin. And the window looks like the bitch needs to use some Windex.

Take Care,


  1. The only problem I can see with "TheAntiPerky" is that some guys may think that, instead of referring to your personality, you're talking about your nipples.

    Maybe a topless photo of yourself sneering would clarify matters.

  2. Oh sweet cheese on a cracker, that's funny. I never once thought of my tits when choosing that name. Dammit all. I guess I'll have to go with the topless pic.

  3. Anonymous10:02 AM

    Babs - if you go with a topless pic, you'll attract a truckload of horny Christian guys and you'll have to beat them off with a stick: oak, with a circumference of at least 3 inches. On the other hand, since you're a skilled crotch-kicker, you may already have all the weapons you need.

  4. I heard it through the grapevine that Jesus doesn't put out. So the frigidaire would definitely be out. Still, if you're looking for that sedate, monastic sort of life I hear he's still looking for a bride.

  5. Hmm...I think Door Jesus looks more like vintage 1989 Grace Slick. Think he does drag?

  6. The thing on the door looks like a vampire. Why is it that everything with 3 dots resembling two eyes and a mouth must be Jesus? I have two eyes and a mouth. So do vampires, dinosaurs, albino chinchillas and a few billion people. Why does J-Ho suck up all the credit?

  7. Chappy - Ugh. Just the thought of being hounded by Christian guys makes me a bit nauseated.

    OG - Oh my god -that's so funny. I don't really think I'm cut out for the sedate, monastic sort of life.

    Doc B - Are you kidding? He ran around in a dress all the time. Of course, he does drag!

    Fwig - Because he's an attention whore.

  8. According to Keith Olbermann, the big JC has also shown up on a spoon. He said Jesus Christ on a spoon at least three times last night (of course, I watched Monday's, Tuesday's and last night's show last night, so God only knows which night it was really on). I, of course, immediately thought of you.

  9. I think the door looks like Marilyn Manson!