October 2, 2007

Now With More Nuts!

It Takes Two, Baby

Driving home tonight, I had the pleasure of being stuck behind a truck that was sporting a simply fabulous bumper sticker. It read, "Racing...because basketball, baseball and football only take one ball to play."

And then I was all like, OH MY GOD, that's just so unbelievably clever. I get it. It takes a real man with two entire balls to drive a car around an oval really fast. Two balls, as in nuts - gonads. What an adorable play on words, racing fan man. I was surprised that he didn't have one of those nutsac trailer hitch thingies that I wrote about on a previous post that I would link to here, but I'm just too damn lazy to look for it.

Anyway, I really had the urge to flag down racing fan man and ask him, "Oh yeah, buddy? What about juggling?"

Then I had the brilliant idea that, What about juggling? would make for a great bumper sticker all on its own, because it would make the people behind you wonder just what the fuck it was all about.

And I think that's my purpose in life. To confuse people.

That Jesus Sho' Gets Around

I spy Jesus, and guess where he is this time? He's in a factory in
Bilston , England. And Jesus is on a workbench, which once againt correlates to his dad being a carpenter and all. I mean his biological father. Not his imaginary dad. Anyway, Malcolm Jones is the one who found Jesus on the workbench and lemme tell ya, Malcolm loves him some Jesus and loves him some bible reading. On his breaks at work he reads not just one bible, but three. THREE. That's more balls than it takes for racing, by the way.

Anyway, here's where it gets confusing. This first picture it looks like the huge head of Jesus. Or maybe some Incan royalty dude, but...

In this neon green Jesus, it looks like his head is up HERE.

Do you know what this means people? It's a double miracle. It's a Jesus inside a Jesus!

But check out the size of that bible. It's huge! Malcolm better be careful where he sets that one down, or he'll end up smashing Workbench Jesus and then wouldn't he feel stupid.

Should you read the article, make sure you check out the comments people have left about Malcolm and his miraculous Jesus.

I especially am fond of:

  • I love jesus. hes greaaaaaaaaaat! GO JESUS!

  • I think Jesus wants you for a sunbeam, Malcolm. Jesus Rocks!!!!

And comment #24 is extra, super-duper special because it was left by none other than...Malcolm! Here he relates a fascinating story about how after Jesus made his appearance on the workbench, one of the bibles in his bible trifecta has become possessed. Okay, he didn't use the word possessed, but he did state that the pages have started turning all by themselves. Malcolm says that he turned the page, went off to do factory-type stuff, and sweet cheese on a cracker, when he came back the bible was turned to the previous page!!!

Who knew that all these years when I've left books opened and the pages have turned on their own that it was really Jesus messing with me the whole time. Oh, Jesus. You're such a prankster.

Take Care,
The Bablatrice - Now with extra Babla.


  1. Racing fans need two balls because one ball is not big enough to rest a beer can on.

    Your Jesus looks like he's wearing glasses, which is reasonable, I guess, if he was reading the very bible that towers over him. I'm thinking that maybe he jumped out of it, the way Coco the Clown jumped out of the inkwell in those old cartoons.

  2. Three Bibles? Why? I have one Bible and I will confess to having never read it - being Catholic and all, we don't read the Bible. It just holds the little cards you get at funerals. Isn't that what Bibles are for?

    At my Grandma's husband memorial mass, the reading my Born Again Brother was supposed to read had gotten left at home, so there was a mild panic. Born Again Sister In Law asked, "Can't we just open a Bible for the reading?" knowing full well there isn't a Bible in a Catholic church. Everybody ignored her.

  3. Since they call the wind Mariah and NOT Jesus, I'm thinking Mariah is the prankster.

  4. My 1990 blue van is rusting due to some kind of DEEtroit paint failure. It is now parked in the back yard to make room in front for new to me used car. VERILY I SAY UNTO YOU, the rust pattern on the top of my van has progressed to a huge CROSS just like well you get the picture. I may have to breakdown and take a picture of it to convince someone on EBAY that the cross is there and they can drive it home!!!

  5. I think Malcolm, Jesus and the racing fans are all baked. Oh - I juggle by the way. I guess that means I'm a man and a half.

    And that's not jesus. That's Darth Vadar. Half the Darth sightings are misrepresented as jesus sightings. Poor Vadar. He should sue Jesus' ass. Or you know - choke him a bit, like he does so well.

    zizufl you to say...