October 16, 2007

Not Quite the Popemobile, but Darn Close

The Pope, the Pope, the Pope is on Fire

Guess who's shown up as a fiery image in Poland? It's not Jesus, but it's close. It's the pope. Which I'm pretty sure is Jesus' best friend in the whole wide world. And it wasn't the present Pope Benedict Emporer Palpatine, but the former Pope Will He Ever Die John Paul II.

Those pope guys sure do have some long names.

Anyway, here's the picture of the pope in the fire, but once again all the people who see his former popeness in this fire are w-r-o-n-g.

If you look at the fire as a head shot rather than a full body shot, you'll realize that it was Bozo the Clown that was making an appearance in Poland.

No, I don't know why Bozo would be in a fire in Poland, but he's a clown.

And there's no telling what a clown will do.

And, I hate them for it.

She's Got a Ticket To Ride

I've recently become the proud owner of a new car . Excuse me, I've recently become the proud owner of a used pre-owned car. She's a 2007, so she's only barely pre-owned.

I feel the need to give two ginormous thumbs up to whoever came up with the idea that pre-owned was better than used, and that we were just a little bit to dumb to figure out that pre-owned and used were the same fucking thing. So, thanks for insulting our intelligence, asshat!

Anyway, I named my car Jane. She just looks like a Jane, but then one day while reading the manual, I learned that she was made in Canada. I wasn't sure that Jane was an appropriate Canadian name, so I've now changed her name to "Jane-eh?"

And I love her.

Someone Could Have Warned Me

I've been 39 for a total of 10 whole days now, and I've suddenly aged 20 years. I'm not sure how exactly this has happened, but I have examples to prove it. The exact day I turned 39, I suddenly needed to buy reading glasses. How the hell does that happen? How can my eyes be just fine and dandy one day, and then the next I'm struggling to make out the small print on the stupid tag on the reading glasses I'm forced to buy?

And then, a couple of days later, I'm tooling down the road minding my own business when I realize that I'm driving WITH MY BLINKER ON.

So, I feel the need to apologize to the guy in the maroon SUV who was waiting patiently me for me to pull into the right-hand lane. Sorry, dude, but I'm 39 now and obviously that's the age when you start ignoring your blinker.

Then today, while I was driving down the road with my Best of Styx CD blaring, I realized that I really was driving down the road with my Best of Styx CD blaring. Loudly. With the windows down, so others could be a witness to my complete and total dorkiness.

At the rate I'm going, by next month I'm sure I'll have come to the conclusion that my Depends only make me look a little bulky, not like I have an abnormally large ass. I'll be beating the pants off the other bitches at the Bingo parlor, and I am so going to have my Hoveround® totally pimped out.

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Take Care,


  1. Uggh! It's a sad day when Arkansoonamites start making fun of the way us nordners talk.

    Now I don't feel guilty at pointing out that I'm still a couple months from my 39th birthday so you're older than me!

    come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with jfghcxn, eh?

  2. Commenting as instructed. (insert stupid winking/grinning emoticon here)

    Just letting you know that clown picture freaked me out.

    Note to my mother: Stephen King's IT is not suitable viewing for an eight year old.

  3. I used to watch the Bozo show when I was a kid. The one time I wet the bed was when Bozo made me laugh in my dream. I hope Polish kids don't spontaneously start wetting their beds after seeing Bozo in their bonfire.

    I'm not 39 yet but I feel the old coming on. I am jealous of how old people can say or do anything that's nutty or outrageous and society shrugs it off. I'm waiting for the day when my antics will prompt a change in people's responses from "what an weirdo" to "that old coot's a riot". :)

  4. I think in Poland they call him Bozoniewszki the Clown.

    Speaking of getting old, that gives me an excuse to repeat one of my favorite chestnuts.
    Old man goes to a doctor.
    Old Man: Doctor, I can't pee.
    Doctor: How old are you?
    Old Man: 97
    Doctor: Well, you peed enough.

  5. The thing about depends??

    They're not that dependable...

    The qfjkgzr who had it made retrieved for a bounty...

  6. Christ, I'd kill someone to be 39, that was so long ago. Just yesterday my mom told me she was taking possession of her new "3 wheeler", when I told her told her to be careful crossing the street, she said she would have a flag, so people would notice her. I suggested the Pirate flag, to her credit she didn't disagree. Ahoy, prepare to be boarded....

  7. Fwig - It wasn't making fun as much as it was paying homage. And when you do turn 39, do you wanna get matching Hoverounds?

    Heather - The pic freaked me out, too. There's no way I'll ever, ever watch IT. Never.

    Philly - But just think of the possibilities if Polish kids do start wetting the bed. You'll already have the answer as to why. You'll be rich! And famous!

    Ex - Loved the chestnut. Jesus Christ, it took me 4 tries to get chestnut right.

    Shedevil - Maybe it depends on how much you pee.

    Carla - If your mother does go with the pirate flag, will you promise pics?

  8. I prefer a cane to a scooter, Babs. It's hard to whack insolent young punks on the noggin with a hoveround.

    Just bzcug, that's why.

  9. I saw that pope/fire picture and didn't send it to you, but did think of you. It's a sad sad sad day when I think fondly of JPII when he drove me nuts when he was alive and wanting to go back in time...but the new Pope is so much worse. *sigh*

    I'm older than you and FWG and I don't need "readers" yet, as my eye doctor calls them, but I've been near-sighted since I was 8, so I don't feel bad at all.

    Nothing wrong with qabgpvuing a little Styx now and then.