August 29, 2007

You Forker

Dieter's Awake!

For those of you who have tried dieting and have failed, I have found the reason why you haven't been able to shed those pounds. You've been using the wrong fork. I know. I mean, it seems so fucking obvious! But, have no fear because the "most revolutionary breakthrough in dieting" is here! I really thought there'd be more to it than just a plastic fork. But, the website claims that this amazing fork has the following qualities:

  • Shorter and dulled teeth inhibiting user from grasping larger pieces of food at any one time
  • Smaller triangular shaped surface area allowing dieter to hold less food than many other forks
  • Uncomfortable grip compelling user to put fork down between bites, slowing the user's eating speed
  • It can also reflect bullets from your fellow diners who are shooting at you because you actually bought this fork.

You can get 10 of these fantabulous, plastic wonderforks for a mere $8.95. Or you could just go buy a baby spoon and get the same results. Or try eating with a popsicle stick. Or a pair of tweezers. Or your toes. Or a plastic fork that's on fire.

Whatever you choose to use, good luck on the weight loss.

Take Care,



  1. Yeah, I saw the "diet fork" the other day. It's just a plastic fork, people. You can get them for free or use a "spork" from Taco Bell.

    Found a Blessed Mother "vision" story for you. Sadly, no pictures.

  2. Anonymous1:26 PM

    Good grief.

    Oh, did I ever mention that my hubby calls me Babs? When he isn't calling me Lucy? lol

  3. Coconut bra or no, your boss looks like a hottie to me.

  4. ...and you still don't like where you work...what, they don't have open bar Fridays?


  5. Do the diet forks come with directions? I'm not sure which end goes in the food.