You Forker

Dieter's Awake!

For those of you who have tried dieting and have failed, I have found the reason why you haven't been able to shed those pounds. You've been using the wrong fork. I know. I mean, it seems so fucking obvious! But, have no fear because the "most revolutionary breakthrough in dieting" is here! I really thought there'd be more to it than just a plastic fork. But, the website claims that this amazing fork has the following qualities:

• Shorter and dulled teeth inhibiting user from grasping larger pieces of food at any one time
• Smaller triangular shaped surface area allowing dieter to hold less food than many other forks
• Uncomfortable grip compelling user to put fork down between bites, slowing the user's eating speed
• It can also reflect bullets from your fellow diners who are shooting at you because you actually bought this fork.

You can get 10 of these fantabulous, plastic wonderforks for a mere $8.95. Or you could just go buy a baby spoon and get the same results. Or try eating with a popsicle stick. Or a pair of tweezers. Or your toes. Or a plastic fork that's on fire.

Whatever you choose to use, good luck on the weight loss.

Take Care,

Babs