August 8, 2007

Googl-oetry and the Pope

The Exterminator over at No More Hornets has come up with a new poetic form, and I have to say it is buhrilliant! I seriously think it should become the next blog trend. If there is such a thing. I'm so non-trendy, I wouldn't know.

I know you're all damn near peeing your pants in anticipation of what the hell Googl-oetry is, so I'll tell you because I'd hate to think of all my readers sitting around in urine soaked underthings, should you be wearing underthings.

Googl-oetry is where you take the goofy Google searches that have led people to your blog, and you turn them into poetry. Kinda like the episode of Dirty Jobs where the dude took cow poop and turned it into flower pots. Only a lot less useful, but much nicer smelling. Unless you really did pee your pants.

Anyway, my poems are more like very free-form, fucked up haiku. These are all the exact searches that people have used -even the titles. I've only inserted a conjunction or two, and these are italicized. Conjunction junction, what's your function? Hooking up words and phrases and clauses.

Sorry, had a little flashback there. By the way, I absolutely loved (and not-so-secretly, still do love) Schoolhouse Rock. The kooky thing is that I had to sneak watching it because it was considered by my mother to be devil music. It was called ROCK, for fuck's sake. I'm sure she thought that if I watched it, I'd shun my religion and become a heathen.

Whatta ya know? She was actually right about something.

What was I doing? Oh yeah, my Googl-oetry. I sure as hell went a long way around to get to it, huh?

Scrotum Poem

Padlock scrotum,
padlock scrotum.
Scrotum chapped.

Spanky McFeely

Vagina librarian?
Crotch doctor,
or San Antonio hooker?

Homosexual Reformation

Outta that hole.
You wascally

Randy Ross, Teens-4-Christ

Strange evil, unknown
addiction to carbonation,
porn and pancakes.

Bondage in Garage

Crucifixion with nails,
and a video
of a boar copulating.

Caption Me

You know that fun little thing we did about 3 months ago where I posted a picture and you guys came up with a caption for it? You also know how it was supposed to be more frequent than 3 month intervals. Well, I kinda forgot about it. But not anymore!

He kinda looks like the love-child of Glenda the Good Witch and Dorothy, doesn't he?

Take Care,



  1. Caption: "You're right. I am overdressed for spearing garbage."

    By the way, I loved your googl-u, and think they may be an art form of their own. Since you say they're like very free-form, fucked up haiku, I think we should dub this genre: fuk-u.

    Now aren't you glad you write about copulating boars so often?

  2. Papal Shocker: Unapologetic Ratzie "Eggs" Benedict, accompanied by his nattily dressed entourage, does community service picking up trash on the Vatican steps wearing the very Pradas he was arrested for pilfering from a Roman boutique.

  3. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas. Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, "There's no place like hrzpk. There's no place like hrzpk..."

  4. Oh god, I love the captions. "Eggs" Benedict. And aren't the shoes amazing? Who knew the pope wore such whorish shoes?

    And Ex, I guess my next installment could be named Fuk-u II?

  5. Upon closer examination, I can see those are not His Holiness' red Pradas. That's the Buster Brown logo!! He couldn't wear the Prada for fear of getting the spiked heel caught in the cobblestones.

  6. I confess I stole the "Eggs" nickname from The Onion

  7. Wow, the Pope wears red shoes! I had no clue. I'm going to find out if that's kosher, er, I mean, officially part of the official papal outfit or if he's out there being all wild & crazy guy-ish, because I just don't see this Pope being a Steve Martin fan.

    Caption: "Pope Benedict puts his best foot forward." Lame, but it's all I got.

  8. Scooter - I'm not sure why, but there's just something extremely funny about the Pope wearing Buster Browns.

    Parge - You shouldn't give away your secrets. But still "Eggs" Benedict...that cracks me up.

    Kat - I know. I was shocked to see the red shoes, too. Isn't that a little flashy? Isn't red the same color of the devil. Wait a minute. Maybe the Pope is Satan? All I know is that his shoes totally clash with his buddies' dresses.

  9. Oy. The Pope does wear a red hat, I, perhaps he's better at sartorialness than I think.