August 14, 2007

Eat it and Weep

Put a Fork in Her. She is Done

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of visiting my doctor due to the surprise visit of a UTI. UTI is fancy medical terminology for "my pee-pee place hurt." Anyhooha (get it...hooha), um...I was sitting in one of the examining rooms anxiously awaiting the results of my urinalysis (another fancy medical term that means I peed in a cup and they tested it), I noticed a poster on the wall. It was of the digestive system. I guess they had to put me in the digestion room because they are lacking a pee-pee place room. Upon closer examination of this poster I discovered something oddly horrifying, yet funny. This poster had a fork holding back the liver so everyone could take a gander at this person's gallbladder. A fork. As in, well, a fucking fork. I couldn't find the exact poster, so I took the liberty of creating my own so you can share in the pleasure of seeing a fork stuck in someones liver.
Lovely, isn't it?

That Jesus Sho' Gets Around

Today I went to lunch with a co-worker/friend. She needed to run by her church to get something and on the way there she asked if I believed in the images of Jesus that people see. After pulling my car out of the ditch, I informed her that I did not. She obviously does not read Flumadiddle, and I'm obviously not going to tell her she should. She then told me that there was an image of Jesus on the wall of their church.

Christ on a stick! Or on a wall, in this case. Here was my big chance for a Jesus sighting. I was even going to take pictures and everything. We arrived at the church. I entered it. Contrary to popular belief, I can enter a church without it spontaneously combusting. There was nary a flicker of a flame. When she pointed out the Wall O' Jesus, she had that oddly peaceful look on her face, and I couldn't take the picture. I tried gently telling her that all I saw was water stains and someone had better check the roof. But she was in awe of her Jesus on the wall, and really didn't care that I didn't see it.

I just didn't have the heart to take any pictures so we could laugh at them. Maybe that means I have double standards, 'cause I sure as hell don't mind making fun of anyone else. But she's my bud, and if she thinks she sees Jesus on the wall, I'm not going to try and change her mind.

Just like she didn't try and change mine.

Fuck. I'm getting soft.

It's a Secret

Don't tell anyone...well you can if you must, but I've started a new blog. I'm trying to keep it as anonymous as possible. It's called Northwest Arkansas Eats, and it's my reviews of local restaurants. Now, most of you probably don't care about the fare in Arkansas, but maybe the local readers will.

The only qualifications that I have for writing restaurants reviews are: 1. I have taste buds. 2. They work. 3. I was visited by the God of Gastronomy and she said it was my life's calling.

And you don't want to argue with her.

Take Care,

Babs

7 comments:

  1. I think it was nice of you not to make fun of your friend for believing in the Jesus on the wall. Although it would have been nice if you could have snuck a picture. ;-)

    Found more conservative crap for you! Here! Enjoy.

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  2. you big softy... Oh dammit I didn't mean you were big, or soft, just...Uhm I don't know what I meant. I'll shut up now.

    You're nice, OK?

    heeeee! kygodls.

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  3. hehehehehe you are so nice I left something for you, Come pick it up.

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  4. The Man and I were having a conversation about how not to offend particularly sensitive Jesus freaks (i.e. close friends we love anyway & old people) last night. We decided the best thing to do is just smile, nod & change the subject before all dcdzo breaks loose.

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  5. Kathleen - I know. I should have gotten a picture, although as faint as the water stains were, I'm not sure it would have shown up very well anyway. Besides, I was really getting freaked out about being inside a church.

    Claudia- You completely rock! You really are just way too cool.

    And trust me, I am at least bigger and softer in some places than I was in my younger days. But I like to think that soft is better than hard.

    Wait a minute...that's not right, either.

    Soft for a woman, hard for a man.

    I'll just stop now.

    Sharna - Yeah. I only have a few people in my life that are Christians and luckily none of them are fundies. They're all pretty loose. Not THAT kind of loose. Well, one of them is, but that's a different story.

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  6. Damn. Claudia got the kygodls. I've been wanting a kygodls and Claudia goes and steals it on me.

    Okay, What the HELL? BABS! Go take the damn picture! You can't do this to us!

    TAKE

    THE

    PICTURE!

    Tell her you want to be able to look at it some more in the confort of your home til you can see Jesus. Come on. Do it! You're killing me! I promise, we won't make fun of your friend.

    Much.

    Maybe just a little - but we'll be REALLY nice about it.

    Now... I'm sending Fork Stuck in Liver posters to everyone for xmas gifts this year. Please ship me a 12-pack. Cheque's in the mail. Or do y'all say 'check' down there?

    Thanks.

    I have xppoxml 12 people on my gift list...

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  7. Anonymous7:11 PM

    Babs you and Thomas must get a picture of you and the Jesus stain. Doug

    ReplyDelete