Zen-Like Cynicism

Riddle Me This

What's worse than Phil Collins singing?

Phil Collins singing a remake of "True Colors."

What's worse than Phil Collins singing a remake of "True Colors"?

Him singing it in my living room while naked.

What's worse than Phil Collins singing a remake of "True Colors" in my living room while naked?

Doing the above while touching himself.

What's worse than Phil Collins singing a remake of "True Colors" in my living room while naked and touching himself?

Absolutely nothing.

No Soliciting. Really. I Mean it This Time.

We get solicitors at the office from time to time. When I first started working there, I put up a "No Soliciting" sign. That didn't work. So, I made a new one that read, "No Soliciting. Not even a little bit." That didn't work either. So I made a new one that read, "No Soliciting. Not even a little bit. That means YOU, the person trying to sell us something." Still no success in keeping the blood-sucking sales people away. So the current sign reads, "No Soliciting. If you are rude enough to disregard our sign, please don't be upset when we're rude enough to ask you to leave." Guess what? It STILL doesn't work. I have to say, you outside sales people are some tenacious little fuckers. I'm at a loss as what to do next. A trained attack dog? A chalk outline with a sign that reads, "This is what happened to the last salesperson, capiche?" Remote-controlled electric shock? I think next time one of them ignores the sign, I'm just going to sit there twitching and flash 'em the crazy eye and then say, "My stapler's talking to me again, and I'm really having trouble hearing it over your spiel and the tape dispenser's incessant chatter. So, I think it's best if you leave before I start having another 'episode'. "


Toys for Tots: 1 Talking Jesus: 0

Once featured right here on Flumadiddle, the talking Jesus doll has been rejected by Toys for Tots. Bill Grien, the vice-president for Toys for Tots stated that, "Kids want a gift for the holiday season that is fun."

Sorry JC, I know it's supposed to be your party and everything, but you're just not nearly as fun CooCoo-The Rocking Clown. Maybe if you just loosened up a little. Put your hair in a ponytail, wear some leather - anything other than that tired, white dress. Maybe a tattoo? How about some piercings...oh...nevermind.


Finally, a Moment of Zen

Take Care
The Bablatrice - who is feeling more than peaceful right now.