November 11, 2006

I May Be Weird, but I Don't Pee in Public

I'm Weirder Than You Think

Here are a few little tidbits about me that will make you realize just how strange I am. By the way, doesn't the word "tidbit" sound like it should be dirty?

1. I always get the third newspaper from the top, 2 paper towels when drying my hands and 5 ice cubes to a glass. I don't think anything horrific is going to happen if I don't do these things. They're just what I do. Quirks, if you will.

2. I sometimes get strange urges.

  • When I'm on a business call, I always write down the name of the person I'm talking to so I can say, "thank you, Whoever" when we're ending the conversation. For instance, if the person's name was Michelle, I'd say, "Thank you, Michelle". But, once in awhile I get the urge to say, "Thank you, Michelle...if that's your real name".
  • When I pull up to the speaker at a drive-thru and the ever-friendly, fast-food employee asks, "May I take your order?", sometimes I want to answer with, "No thank you. Can I take yours?"

3. I have to have the toilet paper go over the roll. And, if I wanted to make a bad pun about it, I'd say I was anal about it. That was so not funny. Anyway, I've even been known to change the toilet paper in public restrooms if it's not on correctly. I think this is kind of a psychopathic, "laces out" thing.

4. I like to smell clean laundry while I'm folding it. Um, yeah. My name is Rachel and I huff clean clothes.

We Will Play Dirty to Get Your Money

I received a letter from Arkansas Children's Hospital wanting a donation. At the top of the letter this is written: "I want to make sick kids smile". And, it's in cute little kid font. The only thing that was missing was the backwards "s". You people have this thing nailed, don't you? I mean, only a total bastard would deny making sick kids smile. Yep. I'm sending a check.

The Indignities of Voting

Thomas told me that when he went to vote, there were two guys in the parking lot standing by a truck. One was leaning over the bed and the other one was taking a piss. You read right. Dude was taking a piss in the voting place parking lot. At what point do you lose so much of your mind that you piss where people can see you? Voting people, at that. I guess his excuse was that he'd had too much beer and he's a fucking moron.

Take Care,
The Bablatrice - If that's my real name.