November 4, 2006

Diverse Confessions

Well, well, well, Ted Haggard confessed to sexually immoral conduct. Which to me translates as: "I really dig me some man-on-man butt-fuckin' ". Here's part of what he said about it:

"... from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach,"

News flash for you, Teddy. You're gay. Gay. G-A-Y. You are a homosexual. And, since you're pretty much out of the closet now, run with your gaydom. Be free, Teddy! Be FREE! Go buy yourself a Judy Garland CD, and by golly, you sing along at the top of your lungs, girlfriend. You grab that great big shiny rainbow and you hang on to it with everything you're worth. (Can't you just hear Richard Simmons saying that last part?)

You know how I predicted that the church members would say that Satan had been tempting Ted because he was such a go-getter for their g to the o to the d? ? Here's a quote from one of the members:

Church member Christine Rayes, 47, said the congregation had hoped the allegations "were all lies."
"We all have to move forward now," she said. "This doesn't make what Ted accomplished here any less. The farther up you are, the more you are a target for Satan."

I shoulda made bets on that one. I could have probably made about five bucks or somethin'.

Since I'm on a church vein, here's the Church Sign O' the Week.

"Satan pushes, Jesus guides."

Satan also cuts in line, bullies you out of your lunch money and gives wedgies to all the nerdy kids.

Alright, enough church and god stuff, already.

Here are a few of the phrases that people have googled which led them to my blog:

  • "my husband's penis" - which is quite popular, actually.
  • "skoal ring Wranglers"
  • "redneck list skoal ring"
  • "high school girls pee" and
  • "church sign holy ghost halloween"
All of the above is definitive proof of how diverse I really am.

Take Care,
The Bablatrice - who isn't at all well behaved.

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