November 13, 2006

38 Years Combined Experience

Let's Dumb it Down for the S---L---O---W People

The other day I heard an advertisement on the radio and the business was touting its 200 years combined experience. You know what? I don't give a green monkey's butt about your combined experience. You could have 200 employees with one year of experience. Or 400 employees with 6 month's experience, or 800 with 3 months. Okay, I think you get the picture. This kind of advertising is saying, "Attention. Can I have your attention please? General Public...we think you're a bunch of fucking morons, and we are going to trick you into thinking we're the company for you by using asinine terminology such as, "combined experience". We'll also make sure we talk really slow so your under-developed brains will be able to grasp the concept we're trying to get across. And, we'll use small, Dick and Jane words, because chances are you're driving while listening to our ad and we don't want to overload you with too much sensory stimuli. You may now resume being tard muffins, and we thank you for your support."

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas

Driving home tonight, I passed a house and the owner's already had their Christmas lights up. People, it's only November 13th. Really. Do we need Christmas lights so soon? Isn't it bad enough that the stores have Christmas stuff in by Labor Day? As if early lights weren't bad enough, they were multi-colored lights. I absolutely abhor multi-colored lights. What purpose is served in making your yard look like a Tijuana brothel? The only thing worse than multi-colored lights are lights that blink. They're on. No. They're off. Wait. They're back on. Now they're off again. What's really sad is I can imagine dim-witted families sitting around making a game out of when the lights are going to come back on again. Listen, if you can't decide whether you want your lights on or off, then your Christmas light displaying privileges will be taken away - as well as all of your Bee Gee records. Because, I happen to know that the only people who are amused by the blinking lights phenomenon are disco people.

And, disco people are evil.

And, they wear polyester.

If they were any younger, we'd be eating pea embryos.

Church Sign O' the Week

"Aspire to Inspire Before you Expire"

And, if you're on fire, you might perspire - unless it's just your pants on fire, then you're a liar. I wonder if church sign guy's a friar, or maybe has a spare tire, or wears funny attire. Do you think his last name is Meyer or Pryor? Are his clothes hung on a line or placed in a dryer? What do you think would transpire should church sign guy step on a briar? Do you think he sings in the choir? Does the entire church worship this sign-posting plier? Do they really admire this word-spewing sire? If I were to make a church sign guy flyer, I'd write that being a church sign guy doesn't require a higher IQ than a bird on a wire.

And now, I think I'll conspire to retire.

Take Care,

The Bablatrice - who probably read too much Dr. Seuss as a child.

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