June 5, 2009

Extra Fruity!

Everyone, say hello to Janine Sugawara. I guess this would be a better introduction if I actually had a photo of Janine, but sadly I do not. Janine is some kind of special. The stupid kind. What did Janine do to win such high praise? I think it has something to do with her being in court recently trying her darnedest to win a lawsuit in which she claims she was duped because the crunch berries in Cap'n Crunch Crunch Berries cereal aren't real fruit.

What the fuckity fuck? There's not a delectable fruit known as a crunch berry? I feel as though my entire life has been a lie.

Astonishingly enough, Janine did not win her case.

Psst, Janine. You should totally sue those bastards again, because Cap'n Crunch? Not one single captain in the box.

Oh, the disappointments of life.



  1. Anonymous3:20 PM

    Not one single captain in the box.

    Oh, shit! I've wasted years shaking those damn boxes, trying to get a captain to fall out.

  2. Do you remember Toucan Sam? The Froot Loop guy? He's totally real. We used to be drinkin buddies a long time ago but I kind of lost touch with him after he started hitting the hard stuff. Got all bitter. Couldn't ask him anything or he was all like, "Follow your nose, bitch." Anyways. I hope he's okay.

  3. Chappy - Don't bother trying to get a Quaker out of your oatmeal, either.

    Fwig - Can you imagine if Toucan Sam and Yosemite Sam somehow had a cartoon love child? That would be one mean, alcholic, gun-totin' bastard.

  4. Diana9:32 AM

    Oh,no...what about "Fruity Pebbles"...I've been trying rocks for years and never have found the source???