June 25, 2009

Desperately Seeking

And now it's time for another round of weird shit people have searched for that have led them to Flumadiddle Land, and my responses to their searches.

  • Odd quirky one liners – Eating bacon makes me touch myself.

  • Whatever you want whatever you need I just want you back from god – Sorry. I’m god’s bitch, now. It’s a lifelong thing. He even made me spit shake on it.

  • Birthday spanking dress position – I’m going to guess, um , up. Up would be good.

  • Wash their hair with pee – No! Don't wash their hair with pee. You can buy cheap shampoo for about a buck.

  • Balls hanging from exhaust pipe – Quit Googling this shit and get to an emergency room, man . Your nuts are on an exhaust pipe for fuck’s sake.

  • Seven pigs – 18 chickens, 2 cows, 4 horses, 1 Luther Vandross CD = unforgettable night.

  • How Fred Astaire’s levitating cane works – That’s not a levitating cane. He’s just happy to see you. Very , very happy.

  • Babs tits – I have two. They’re kind of a matching pair although the right one is a tad bigger than the left.

  • Shameless, Babs – Yeah, probably so.

  • What can pee do for the skin – The only thing I know of is that it can make your skin smell like pee. Which is awesome if you want to smell like a bad nursing home.

  • Chopstick acupuncture – Holy fuckmonkeys! That’s not acupuncture. That’s impaling.

  • Please, Mr. Postman penis – Is that what the song is really about? Ohhhh. I get it now. "Please, Mr. Postman. Wait and see. If there’s a letter in your bag for me.” And then Mr. Postman says, “I got your letter right here, dollface.”

    Forever Yours,
    Maiden Babsalot



  1. I think you and I are the only people who like these segments. Oh well. At least we're entertained!

  2. We probably share some kind of dire as-yet-undiagnosed condition. I hope you'll keep doing them just for me!

  3. How awesome would it be if we got a condition named after us? I will keep doing them and I'm tempted to dedicate every last one of them to you!