Desperately Seeking

And now it's time for another round of weird shit people have searched for that have led them to Flumadiddle Land, and my responses to their searches.

• Odd quirky one liners – Eating bacon makes me touch myself.
  
  
• Whatever you want whatever you need I just want you back from god – Sorry. I’m god’s bitch, now. It’s a lifelong thing. He even made me spit shake on it.
  
  
• Birthday spanking dress position – I’m going to guess, um , up. Up would be good.
  
  
• Wash their hair with pee – No! Don't wash their hair with pee. You can buy cheap shampoo for about a buck.
  
  
• Balls hanging from exhaust pipe – Quit Googling this shit and get to an emergency room, man . Your nuts are on an exhaust pipe for fuck’s sake.
  
  
• Seven pigs – 18 chickens, 2 cows, 4 horses, 1 Luther Vandross CD = unforgettable night.
  
  
• How Fred Astaire’s levitating cane works – That’s not a levitating cane. He’s just happy to see you. Very , very happy.
  
  
• Babs tits – I have two. They’re kind of a matching pair although the right one is a tad bigger than the left.
  
  
• Shameless, Babs – Yeah, probably so.
  
  
• What can pee do for the skin – The only thing I know of is that it can make your skin smell like pee. Which is awesome if you want to smell like a bad nursing home.
  
  
• Chopstick acupuncture – Holy fuckmonkeys! That’s not acupuncture. That’s impaling.
  
  
• Please, Mr. Postman penis – Is that what the song is really about? Ohhhh. I get it now. "Please, Mr. Postman. Wait and see. If there’s a letter in your bag for me.” And then Mr. Postman says, “I got your letter right here, dollface.”
  
  Forever Yours,
  Maiden Babsalot

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