May 31, 2009

Shameless Plugs and Clowns

For Christ's Sake, Quit Clownin' Around

John Claussen is a pastor in the fine city of Des Moines, and he thinks that maybe people are getting bored with his sermons. I'm betting John's assumption is correct. But no worries, because this summer John is taking Sunday morning to a new level. A level of epic proportions. And how is he doing this? By dressing up as a clown. As in, he's going to be dressed as a clown while he preaches.

Holy flaming pulpits, Batman!

A preaching clown = scarier than anything I could have even imagined. Ever. Especially when you throw in that his 'clown name' is Leviticus W. Doorknocker, which to me sounds like some totally pervy Amish dude.

Anywho, John's not stopping with clowns. No way, Jose. John's going to have a different theme every Sunday. Like Cowboy Sunday and Uniform Sunday and Billy Bob's Barnyard Bible School.

Kinky, John. I love it! In fact, I love it so much that I have a few more theme ideas for you along with the corresponding sermon titles. It's just my little contribution to the Lord's work.

  • Pirate Sunday - Ya Scurvy Dogs are Walkin' the Plank Straight to Hell
  • Sci-Fi Sunday - God's Ray Gun is Bigger Than Yours
  • Mardi Gras Sunday - For the Love of God, Show Me Your Tits
  • Luau Sunday - Jesus Leied Down His Life For You
  • Fiesta Sunday - Donde Estan Mis Pantalones? (I realize this doesn't have anything to do with Jesus, but it's the only Spanish I know.) WAIT. I've got it. Donde Estan Mis Pantalones, Jesus?
  • Ships Ahoy Sunday - Jesus Loves You No Matter How Nautical You've Been

You're welcome, John. You are welcome.

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Hugs and Kisses,



  1. Good find. Would love to see a picture of him delivering a sermon.

  2. consider me a fan.

  3. And walking by the sea, he saw two brethren,

    And bought of them feather boas, and a fine corset with legging straps, and then pondered,

    And one said, What ails you, Lord?

    And He said, This is missing something, oh, I know!

    Follow me, and I will make you fishnets for men!

  4. Dan - I think the pic would be pretty damn scary.

    Dave- Yay! I'm thrilled you're back.

    Don - That was beautiful. It seriously brought a tear to my eye.

  5. Thanks a lot. I'm definitely going to have nightmares about Levy Doorknocker. And Barnyard Bob too.

  6. Fwig - I know. I'm not sure he could have picked creepier names.