February 14, 2008

Just Title it Whatever You Want

In case my last 50 or so posts weren't weird enough for you, I've got some more weird! I loves me some weird.

The first freaky item was sent to me by the ever alert to odd religious stuff, Kathleen.

You can turn Jesus on and off all day long. Just remember though, if Jesus has a painful erection lasting more than 4 hours, be sure and call a doctor. And why the hell is Jesus pushing the kids towards the light switch? Stay away from the light, kids. STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!

Since the Jesus light switch is so awesome, I thought a Virgin Mary light switch was in order.

From saggy to perky with a single flip. You want to touch the virgin boobies, don't you?

The next display of pure freakishness is a book cover I found over at Sammy Gipp's site. Sammy is a preacher man who writes books once in awhile, but he spends most of his time doing battle with the forces of evil. He's kinda like Luke Skywalker, but he's probably a much better actor than Mark Hamill. Not that being a better actor than Mark Hamill is any kind of accomplishment.

So, here's the book cover.

Holy fucking flapjacks

First, For His Pleasure should never be the title of a book unless it's an instruction manual on the fine art of fellatio. The only other time the phrase "for his pleasure" should be used is in a condom advertisement. Thin for his pleasure, motorized for hers.

Second, if you're going to be a complete bag o' douche and title your book For His Pleasure NEVER EVER EVER put a man and a boy on the front cover, you sick, sick fuck.

Third, If you have already strapped on the stupid and ignored the first two rules, I wash my hands of you, and you might as well have the man and boy playing with a goddamn erector set. Who knows? Maybe they're building a tower to god.

Didn't Sammy once stop to think that maybe just maybe this was, I dunno, a tad pervy?

Take Care,


  1. Well, I just went to Gipper's Web site and was greeted by this slogan:

    A man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17

    It's not hard to read between the lines and figure out what that slogan is a euphemism for.

  2. He couldn't possibly be that naive...definitely had his stupid on with that title. Oy vey.

  3. Anonymous1:04 PM

    Kathleen said: He couldn't possibly be that naive...definitely had his stupid on with that title. Oy vey.

    I suspect that the double entendre was intentional. According to the New Testament, the Church is the Bride of Christ. The sole reason humankind exists is to serve and please God. Why an almighty being would want human praise, fellowship, service, etc., escapes me, but that's what they say. The metaphor has been extended so that the idea of Christian faith as a marriage between Jesus and the believer is very prominent in some Christian circles.

    Many 19th century Christian gospel songs use a lot of romantic/erotic imagery. One example:

    I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses; And the voice I hear, falling on my ear, the son of God discloses;

    He speaks and the sound of his voice is so sweet, the birds hush their singing; And the melody that he gave to me within my heart is ringing.

    And he walks with me, and he talks with me, and he tells me I am his own. And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.

    YECH!! PFFFFT!!!

    Does that strike you as
    a)an expression of praise to an almighty deity, or
    b) the swoon of a teenager's puppy love?

    Again, IMO, the author didn't have his dunce cap on; his sexual allusion was deliberate. Christians have some very weird ideas about sexuality, so this shouldn't surprise you (although it may sicken you).

  4. Babs... once again you deliver with a good laugh EXACTLY when I need one!

  5. Anonymous5:21 PM

    My wife says that the light switch and the book are a 7.9 on the Weird-Shit-O-Metre. Me? I'd say the Christ switch alone is a 8.5 minimum.

    So, you have to call a doctor if the switch is in the on position for more than 4 hours? Jesus Priapism! (actually, not a bad swear phrase).

    Read this to my wife. She asked, "Didn't Batman or Robin use that phrase?"

  6. That's just way too creepy. That's what I'd expect the cover to a NAMBLA brochure to look like.

    And yes, I do want to turn Mary on.

  7. Well for my pleasure I mis read the authors name as Grip, that would make a whole lot more weird.
    This is also the bunch that brought us a song called, 'O for a thousand tongues'

  8. I'm not sure one saggy and one perky looks normal. But then, maybe that's what god the father likes in his virgins?

  9. Ever see a bad boob job? One pointing up and the other pointing down is pretty normal.

  10. I covet the Jesus lightswitch. Must. Have. Now.

  11. I loves me some weird.

    That would explain why you and I get along so well.

  12. Anonymous9:01 PM

    The light switch: do they make a Last Supper model for people with lots of lights?

  13. Anonymous12:27 AM

    "For His Pleasure"?

    I thought that HAD to be made up! Unreal. What a maroon.

  14. Love that light switch plate! I want one. I must have one, just so I can tell my husband to turn Jesus off before bed.

    What was that song from grade school?

    "We are the light of the world.
    Let our light shine before all,
    So they can see the good that we do
    And give glooooooooryyyyy to Gooood."

    Yeah. I wish my Catholic school classroom would have had that light switch plate.

  15. Anonymous6:20 PM

    I wish my Catholic school classroom would have had that light switch plate.

    That's too funny. I've got visions of schoolkids playing with the light switch all day. Who knows, maybe the nuns would have played with the switch all day?

    (Bad, Chaplain. Wipe that nasty smirk off your face right now!)