February 12, 2008

Happy Darwin Day

In honor of Darwin's Birthday, I thought I'd share a sampling of the brilliant statements I found over at FSTDT made by those crazy born again people on the topic of evolution. Of course, I've had to comment on their comments. I sincerely hope that you can determine which are mine.

….you cannot evolve outside your class. Example: plant kingdom, animal kingdom, people kingdom.....

Bwahahaha! We humans have finally conquered and annihilated the dreaded mineral kingdom. Now we will rule the world!

Humans are MAMMALS...not animals. There is a big difference between the two words

I am not an animal!!! I am a human being!!! I wish you guys could have heard that, because it was one suhweet impression of the elephant man.

A poll conducted last year showed that two-thirds of Americans believe in creationism, or the theory that God created humans at a single point in time,
while 53 percent believe that humans developed over millions of years from less advanced forms of life -- the theory of evolution

. And the other 168% believe that you flunked 4th grade math.

Evolution is a religious belief. Science theories are very similar to religious beliefs, except they add in crap like hydrogen, oxygen etc.

If religion would add in helium, I might convert. It would definitely make the sermons more entertaining.

The really funny thing is that Charles Darwin recanted his evolution theory very late in life.

Yeah, but the really, really funny thing is that you're a moron. And the really, really, super funny thing is my joke about the polar bear. But I'm not going to share it with you.

I know better than to waste my time with "scientists." In my opinion, evolution teaches a monkey gave birth to the first human, and if this is how you justify its denial, have a good day.
In my opinion, I think whoever is turning on the computer for you should stop. If Darwin was alive, I would encourage him to beat you over the head with a sock monkey. Have a good day.
This is a question to all evolutionists: Do you believe that you evolved from a rock? I give you all the time you need. Trillions of years, even more, take all you want.
I've never thought that anyone evolved from a rock, but you are making me rethink my position.
People want to believe evolution because there are NO rules to evolution.
Do you know what this means? If you accept the theory of evolution, you can cheat at Scrabble!


Take Care,
Babs

19 comments:

  1. I am not an animal!!! I am a human being!!! I wish you guys could have heard that, because it was one suhweet impression of the elephant man.

    With a suhweet southern accent no less.

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  2. I sincerely hope that you can determine which are mine.

    Sorry to break this to you, Babs, but I had a really hard time on a couple of them. Whichever one of you said the line about the helium making the sermons more interesting made a valid point. A fundy could have said it, since they've been known to nod off occasionally during the divinely inspired delivery of the holy word. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's oh so true - cross my heathen heart.

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  3. SI - So suhweet you could slap it on a biscuit and call it dessert.

    Chappy - Yes, but a true christian would never dabble with helium. It could lead to harder drugs.

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  4. Humans are MAMMALS...not animals. There is a big difference between the two words.

    Actually, there's not that big a difference between the two words; they share the letters SALAM, and BOTH words end in exactly the same four letters, which is SLAM spelled backwards. "Mammals" has two extra Ms, which only goes to prove that they like M&Ms better than animals. By the way, "salami" and "animals" is a very close match.

    Just as "fundie" and "fuckwit" are extremely similar.

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  5. These very insightful and original comments about evolution have shaken the foundation of my faith and belief in the religion of Science. I didn't realize scientists were actually saying we all evolved from monkeys after first evolving from rocks. That's SILLY. I'm considering changing my blog to Christianity Middleman.

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  6. Ex - How did I know you'd have fun playing with that one?

    Evo - You really should read more.

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  7. Bloody hell, Babs. I could actually feel whole swathes of my brain cells keeling over at each one of those quotes I read.

    I'm not going to visit the site..

    ...really, I'm not.

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  8. Hammertime9:17 AM

    "I'm fuckin' freezing!"

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  9. Viking - I do apologize. I should have placed a warning that reading such drivel could result in the loss of gray matter.

    Hammertime - It's fucking funny, isn't it?

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  10. Evolution is a religious belief? Then so is Gravity. Oh Great-Holder-onner-of-all-things-weighty, I pray that you hold me tight to the earth today so that I don't float off toward Pluto, again.

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  11. ...the orb formerley known as a Planet, not the dog.

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  12. Hammertime10:45 AM

    I won a beer at "Jokes for Beer" night at a local pub for that joke once. I've also got a good Eskimo joke. I once had a dream of collecting arctic humour. (sigh)

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  13. John Evo said: I didn't realize scientists were actually saying we all evolved from monkeys after first evolving from rocks.

    I believe the current hypothesis is that atheists and monkeys evolved from a common ancestor. It is believed that fundamentalists of all religions, however, bypassed that branch of the tree of life and evolved directly from rocks. Unfortunately, I don't have a scholarly reference for this hypothesis, as this is the first time it's appeared in print. Remember, you saw it at Babs's place first!

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  14. Oh dear, Babs. How on earth could you go to that site? I clicked over there and felt my chest getting tight from the ignorant racist, stupid-ass things being said.

    That said, your responses were utterly fabulous!!!

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  15. Carla said: ...the orb formerley known as a Planet

    Pluto is now formerly defined as a dwarf planet. There is actually a dwarf in our solar system that is bigger than Pluto! I had never heard of it, but it's called Eris and is 27% larger than Pluto.

    At least, that's what I used to say. Before I changed my blog to Christianity Middleman.

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  16. I've never thought that anyone evolved from a rock, but you are making me rethink my position.

    That made me snort. So embarrassing!

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  17. How dare you mock the religion of evolution and our powerful, oh so powerful God of Reason Charles Darwin.


    If my "religion" says we came from a rock....so be it, we came from a rock.

    Every knee and rational mind will one day bow down to the Great and Powerful Oz....I mean Darwin.

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  18. Carla - I pray to the gravity god, too. So far, so good.

    Hammertime - I've never won anything for that joke. Dammit, all.

    Kat - Well, thank you. FSTDT is fun reading. Especially the comments on the comments.

    OG - Yay! I made OG snort!

    JP - I'm truly sorry I offended. I would never intentionally mock someone's religious beliefs.

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  19. ROFLMFAO!!!

    Oh dear. Too much. I think the author may have evolved from a rock.

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