October 4, 2006

She's Crazy and Has the Shoes To Prove It!

I've been wondering lately if I might be losing my mind, and what I did this morning clinches it.

I am crazy. I'm a nutter. I'm bonkers-boinko-bling-a-ding-ding. I am cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

I have a habit of taking off my shoes while sitting at my desk at the office and this morning I did that exact thing, but when I went to put them back on, I noticed that something was wrong. Something was horribly, horribly wrong.

The shoes sitting beneath my desk weren't white like they were supposed to be. In fact, they weren't even the same color. Then I realized that I left the house this morning wearing TWO DIFFERENT SHOES! They are both flip-flops, and they're the same exact style, but one is pink and one is blue. The really sad thing is, when I pulled them out this morning I could have sworn they were white.

So, my ensemble today is jeans, a celery green shirt, a sky blue flip-flop on my left foot and a bubblegum pink flip-flop on my right. I look like the poster child for PAAS Easter egg dye. To my credit, I did get very little sleep last night, and when I get ready in the morning the only light I have is the ambient light from the bathroom. BUT...it was 9:00 before I realized that I had on different shoes. It took me 2 hours to notice that one shoe was blue and one was pink!!!

Sweet Jesus, I need help.

In my last post, I mentioned my husband's penis, and he got all wild-eyed when he read about it. He told me that it was fine if I wanted to allude to his package, but that I couldn't use the term "penis". In fact his exact words were, "You can't just slap my penis across your blog."

Oh my, he is quite the wordsmith, isn't he? And, one kinky little cookie to boot.

I asked him if I could refer to it as his "winkie".

He said no.

And, with that we move on to....

The Church Sign O' the Week

"Be still and know that I am God. See you at the pole." What? See you at the pole? That's P-O-L-E. What pole can it be? It certainly can't be a voting poll, well, because surely to all things holy church sign guy wouldn't have misspelled POLL would he??? I'm pretty sure it isn't the South Pole or the North Pole, because I'm also pretty sure church sign guy would have specified which frickin' pole everyone was to gather at. And, for the love of little green monkeys, it couldn't possibly be a stripper's pole. Fireman's pole? Pole cat? 10 Foot Pole? Curtain Pole? Totem Pole? Maypole? Fishing Pole? Tent Pole? Pole Vault?

I know...this church worships some large Polish man, and they are all going to gather around him and hold hands while singing songs of worship to the great Edmund Falkolowski (what I would name a Polish god-man if I were so allowed). And, there will be much rejoicing, yea verily. And, they'll probably be naked.

Much to my dismay, I made the mistake of googling "see you at the pole" and lo and behold, church sign guy didn't misspell anything...see for yourself here.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am that there isn't a large, Polish man they worship. But, in several of the pictures they are holding hands. And, even though they're clothed in the photos, I'd bet they really do get naked.

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