July 10, 2009

Here Comes Peter Cottontail

Hi kids! Today's sermon involves a pastor, a bunny and a town named Moorhead. Even though it may sound like one of my freaky fantasies, it's not. It's another church scandal! Yay!

Pastor Mark Ostergarden has been having an affair with a stripper, I'm sorry, a dancer named Bunny Byington for the past 3 years. It started off with him paying for a dance and then progressed to him paying for sex. Then one very magical day, Mark and Bunny decided they'd come to the point in their relationship where money didn't need to be exchanged anymore. That was also the day Mark asked Bunny to go steady, and then gave her his class ring.

Recently, however, Mark and Bunny got into a bit of a spat when she allegedly demanded that Mark pay her thousands of dollars or she would expose their affair. Mark refused to pay the money, so she blabbed to the church, and even emailed one of the church dudes a pic of Mark sporting only a t-shirt and underwear. Now, Mark and the church dude are having an affair.

Oh how I kid.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, Bunny has since been arrested for extortion. Here's a pic of her mugshot.

Oh my.

Hold the phone. Is she missing her right ear? If she's a one-eared stripper, that's one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

But she still frightens me.

Somebody please hold me,

Thank you, Dan, for sending me this story. And, no, I'm still not paying you for it. The story, that is.


  1. Anonymous1:11 PM

    She's a charmer...

  2. Diana Stackhouse3:10 PM

    I think I am going to reconsider heterosexuality ... she deserves a second chance ;)

  3. In all fairness we really need to see what Mark looks like, is he purtier, is he missing is left ear?

  4. Anonymous3:59 PM

    She looks like a great dancer.

    If you're into square dancing.

  5. You guys are funny.

  6. Nice. She's a charming woman.