January 6, 2008

That Jesus' Mama Sho Gets Around

Need a virgin or two to add to your collection? Well, you're in luck because I know where you can find them.

Virgin Sighting 1

The Virgin of Guadalupe, or Our Lady of Guadalupe, is also known as La Virgen Morena which translates to, "the brown-skinned virgin". So the VOG is an apparition of the alpha virgin, but with a better tan. Whatever you call her, this virgin has made another showing, and it's in a tree. Here are some photos for comparison. I know I probably shouldn't give this away, but the one on the left is the tree.

As an added bonus, if you click on the link to the story, you can vote on whether or not you think this tree really looks like the VOG. At this posting, out of 1,142 votes, 78% of the readers voted no. The other 22% are bat-shit crazy and probably hear Jesus talk to them. A lot. Or they have severe cataracts.

I think the tree looks more like a really sad bear, and he's sad because someone bit off his right ear, which means I'm probably slightly bat-shit crazy.

Virgin Sighting 2

The Quintana family of New Mexico is all atwitter because of the image that appeared on their wall. It was the alpha virgin again! This time her appearance was caused because the patriarch of this all atwitter family was trying to put a special texture on the wall, and the spray bottle he was using kept breaking and he couldn't get the texture wiped off fast enough. The screwed up texture dried and tada! The Virgin Mary. It's that easy!

The photo on the left is the one that Channel 8 doctored to make the "virgin" more apparent. But if you grab another photo from the video, you can see what Texture Mary really looks like.

I've done my own doctoring on the Texture Mary shot and I think she'd better be careful, because somebody's sneaking up behind her. And that somebody is none other than Satan. How come there aren't ever any news reports about a Satan sighting?

I think having the devil show up on your wall is way more newsworthy than Mary.

By the way, if you look in a mirror and say, "Texture Mary, Texture Mary, Texture Mary" she will totally show up in the mirror.

Kudos to Shedevil and Heather for dredging out these sightings.

Take Care,


  1. I think that tree looks like some Georgia O'Keeffe paintings, which everyone knows look like a vagina.

  2. Ex - That's funny, because I think the VOG picture looks more like a vagina.

    I guess maybe there really is a similarity between these two pictures.

  3. Is it just me who can only see, um, a tree? I've stared at that tree now with my head at every possible angle (perhaps I'm just not flexible enough) and I can't make it out at all. I think I need one of those trendy outlines like the one on the wall texture.

  4. Anonymous6:21 PM

    Well, I think the Mary on the wall is off the wall, so to speak. I just don't see her there.

    The Mary in the Tree, however, is the real deal. The 22% who saw her, as I did (once I looked really carefully, tilted my head, stuck out my tongue and squinted my eyes in the just right way - and with a hint from Babs, who helpfully pointed out which image was the tree; I looked at the other for the longest time without seeing anything meaningful), are not bat-shit crazy. Au contraire, they possess amazing spiritual sensitivity and insight. If I had a tree, I'd immediately invite some of them to inspect it for signs of divine infestation.

  5. Ah! I forgot to stick out my tongue! That must be the problem. Squinty-eyes and tilty-head just doesn't raise quite enough power to see this particular Virgin. I shall scroll up and try again.

  6. I got it! I got it! The tongue was the problem. Now I see her in all her splintery glory.

    Thanks, Chaplain! I hereby promote you to Grand Master Jesus'-Mama-Pointer-Outerer. Assuming Babs doesn't mind me taking liberties with bestowment of Grand Mastership in her comments.

  7. How do they know this is Mary and not some other biblical bimbo?

  8. Sad, oh so sad...I'm just happy that my life isn't so desperately sad and wanting (and it's pretty sad and wanting) that I see Jesus and Mary in every piece of fruit, veggie, faux wall treatment, bush, tree, etc.

  9. Anonymous1:24 PM

    Give me a break... I wish, just this once, that I could make something, ANYTHING out!

  10. I see Chewbacca in the tree and the picture on the right is a man in a porcupine suit.

  11. Anonymous4:49 PM

    DaVinci asked: How do they know this is Mary and not some other biblical bimbo?

    That's a good question. I think the Mary in the Tree is the Virgin. Taking up residence in the trunk of a tree, where there is no provision for even a few twigs behind which to change her veil, is the sign of a flamboyant personality. And it certainly takes brass balls (or perhaps another body part that delicacy prevents me from naming aloud) to claim to have been the victim of an asexual virginal conception initiated by a deity. Definitely the Virgin Mary.

    On the other hand, the off the wall Mary is much more discreet, one might even say barely noticeable. I think she is actually Mary Magdalene, who, given her alleged profession, had to have been the epitome of discretion.

  12. (singing) freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freaks freeeeeeeeeeaaks! Wonderful freeeeeeaaks!!

  13. Sorry. Had to get that out of my system.

  14. Heather - Well, me seeing the bear was pushing it. And you have free reign to bestow anything to anyone on my blog.

    Chap - If you do get some tree inspectors let me know, because I would really, really like to interview them.

    Davinci - Well, there's Chap's explanation, which I think is very well thought out, and probably on the mark as far as the bible chicks go. But, why do these images always have to be someone from the bible. Why doesn't anyone ever see Janis Joplin in a tree?

    Claudia -I'm going to keep doing my damndest until one day I find one that makes you squeal with joy, because you'll have seen THE FACE.

    Carla - You so crazy. You make me say ha ha. Seriously, the porcupine suit thing is funny.

    Fwig - I agree, and anytime you need to get anything out of your system, feel free to stop by and let it all out.

  15. The first is clearly that unmentionable lady part.

    The wall is some rapper in a hoodie. Hell, maybe it's Tupac! It's a message from beyond the grave.